You already know how important date nights are. On top of everyone tell you how important it is on your wedding day, I’ve also written about it before. Because you know that it’s important you try to make sure to do date nights as often as possible. But lately it seems like that’s not so often. And what’s worse is that when you do go on date nights they’re not all that fun or exciting. Your date nights are duds. You even wonder why you try to do them in the first place. After all, there are so many other things you could be doing instead of going on a boring date.
Sure, you still talk about it from time to time but it’s nothing like like when you used to go out. You bring it up sometimes and say “Hey, honey, we should do a date night sometime”, or “when was the last time we went out together just the two of us?”. You even both agree that it’s been way too long and you even agree that you should do a date night soon. But neither of you have taken the initiative to plan it. Yes, you both want to but so many other things come up.
Well, let me be the first to say that there’s a reason your date nights are duds Yes, your busy. But that’s not really why you haven’t planned a date night. And sure, it’s hard to find a babysitter. But that’s also not why you haven’t planned a date night.
The #1 Reason Your Date Nights Fail
The biggest reason your date nights fail is because you’re doing them wrong. You’re doing date night because you’re supposed to, not because you want to. So it turns into just another task on your to-do list. And you have enough of those already. So when it comes down to planning a date night or, say, watching Netflix, you’d rather watch Netflix. After all, your to-do list will still be there tomorrow, but who knows when Netflix will remove that series you like so much.
The Secret to Astounding Date Nights
The secret to making sure you have date nights, then, is to make sure they’re good, I mean really good.That way you actually look forward to them and they don’t just become one more thing on your to-do list. Yes, having good date nights takes more time and planning, but quality is better than quantity in this case. In other words, if you’re doing fun, rewarding date nights here and there with your partner, it’ll be much better than doing several regular date nights that are just for the sake of doing a date night. And if you’re honest with yourself, you’re not doing date nights as often as you should anyway, so making them something fun will probably be increasing both quantity and quality.
Having fun date nights now and then are better than regular date nights because these dates nights keep your passion alive and invigorate your relationship – which is what date nights are supposed to be for. If you find yourself doing mundane, boring and blaze’ date nights you’re not getting the same effect out of them. And even though you’re doing date nights (like every marriage counselor says you should) you’re really not getting that much benefit out of them. Sure, you’re having one-on-one time (which you might not get very often) but you can also get one-on-one time in the car driving to your parents house and still get the same effect.
If you Make Date Nights Fun, You’ll Look Forward To Them AND do Them More Often
Yes, date nights are important but so are colonoscopies; It doesn’t mean that you look forward to them. In fact, if you treat them like colonoscopies, you probably delay them until you can’t put it off any longer. But if you make your date nights fun, then you’ll find yourself doing more of them. Soon you’ll find that you and your spouse are connecting in new ways and consistently rekindling that flame between you. And that’s what date nights are supposed to be for. That’s the stuff that fun, connecting relationships are made out of.
Aaron Anderson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Director of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, CO. He is a writer, speaker and relationship expert. In his spare time (whatever that is) he is secretly preparing to be the next great chef. You can find him on Twitter @MarriageDr and on Facebook giving great info without the psychobabble.