Valentine’s Day is once again upon us! Some of you reading may be anticipating the day with joy; others regarding the day as something only the devil must have created; while others are saying to themselves “oh crap…that’s this Saturday”!!!
Cards, flowers and chocolate seem to be the intention of how love is expressed on this Hallmark day. But are you sick and tired of the cheesiness of the day? Or maybe you feel like you put a lot of effort into celebrating the love you have for someone only to be sorely disappointed when your plans seem to be completely foiled? So much expectation is packed into one single day and I can personally only count on one hand how many times this day actually meant something to me.
So what do we expect from a day representing love?
When I was asked to write a blog for Valentine’s Day, my initial reaction was slight vomit at the back of my throat, and bummed I wasn’t going to write my witty ideas on dating after 30. Oh well…gotta do what the boss man wants (said with a wink). As I dug through my personal perceptions a friend reminded me of how our expectations can lead to complete let down if we don’t voice our wants and desires. This led me to thinking of why this day leaves a sour taste in my mouth: loss.
Valentine’s day can be hard for a lot of people. Some are divorced and Valentine’s Day is a reminder of a love that failed. Some may be having a hard time in their relationship and this day is reminding them of their strained marriage. This last year my mom lost her husband and I lost a dad. This year she won’t be getting the expected flowers and sweet card and I won’t get the same old card from both parents with a witty comment about how much my dad loves me. If you’re divorced, love could feel like the furthest emotion felt and rejection fills its place. And, if you and your partner aren’t connecting or getting a long, this holiday may feel like a pending fail because there is no way you can meet the expectation of the one you’re with.
Belonging and mattering to someone provides more than words can say. Knowing how important you are to someone and having a place in someone’s life is food for the heart. Having someone important to you, see you – not just visually, but see who you are underneath your exterior, to your character, heart and soul and accepts you for who you are. Flowers, chocolates, cards, jewelry, etc., are nice gestures, and don’t get me wrong very flattering, but it’s the belonging and mattering that lasts longer than February 14th. Noticing if you matter may come from a long embrace; whispers of how wonderful you are; having something nice done for you; a priceless gift; or sitting down having a meaningful conversation leading to laughter and/or tears.
Valentine’s Day Is About Your Connection to Others, Too
Receiving how much you matter to someone is only half of the meaning in your connection. How you make others feel is just as important. Today I realize, my mom is going to need a card and flowers to remind her of how important she is to her children – we see her and we love her. How can you let someone know they matter to you? I was so caught up in not having a valentine, I lost sight of how someone else needs to know they matter to me and I love her deeply.