Ways to Unplug so You Can Plugin to Your Marriage

Ways to Unplug so You Can Plugin to Your Marriage

In the information age it seems there’s no end to devices to help us stay connected. There are all sorts of mp3 players, tablets, laptops, desktops, gaming consoles and other devices that help keep us informed of the latest and greatest in the world and they’re all becoming increasingly more available and more portable.

These devices are great and even help you keep in touch with people who are important to you – like friends, relatives and even your spouse and children. But too often these devices can actually hinder your relationship with those who are important to you. Below are some tips to help you unplug so you can plug into your most important relationship: your marriage.

Decompress With Your Spouse…

. . . instead of with your device. Oftentimes, people use being plugged in is a way to decompress after a long or challenging day. There’s something relieving about logging in and looking up friends, listening to music or checking out your favorite blogs. But this is a great time to connect with your spouse instead of connecting with your device.

Marriages become strengthened when spouses hear each others’ difficulties (like after having a challenging day) and are able to hear and console each other. This shows each other care and affection and creates love and connection between each other.

So next time you want to put your feet up after a challenging day go sit down by your spouse to put your feet up and tell them all about what made your day so challenging. Spouses are usually a lot more consoling than a screen anyway.

Instead of Texting, Try Calling

Sending texts to your spouse throughout the day is great. It shows your spouse that you’re thinking about them and that you want to keep them included in your day even if they’re not around. But there’s something extra special about calling your spouse instead of sending a text.

Think of it like way back when you were dating and you used to call each other just to say hi and talk. You may not have had a whole lot to talk about (if there were text messages back then, a simple text would have done) but somehow you were always able to make a conversation out of it, anyway. Even if a simple text message will do, give your spouse a call during their lunch break and see where it goes. You might be surprised how much you’re able to talk about (and how long you’re able to talk about it).

Instead of Going Online, Go Out

The simple act of getting out requires that you get out of your home and away from your devices (at least most of them). You don’t have to go anywhere fancy, expensive, or anywhere that costs at all for that matter, but the simple act of getting out means you have to communicate with your spouse in order to make plans, find a sitter, etc.

Even if all you do is go out for a picnic dinner or go to a scenic view and talk this is all time that is wholly devoted to your spouse and is not interrupted by websites, updates, etc. Remember spending money is not the object of going out, the act of spending unadulterated time with your spouse is.

Fundamentally, being plugged in is a solitary exercise. You only need yourself to be able to do it. This means that when you’re plugged in you’re not wholly plugged in with your spouse…even if you are in the same room. There’s something extra that happens in a marriage when a couple sits down and engages with each other during a game of cards or eating ice cream at the dinner table after the kids have gone to bed.

Being plugged in often makes you unavailable and you miss the moments that are occurring around you. Think of it. At the end of the day, you’ll still be able to log in and find out what news headlines or status updates you missed, but you’ll never be able to go back to a moment that you missed with your spouse.
aaron anderson marriage counselorAbout the Author
Aaron Anderson is a therapist and Director of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, CO. He is a writer, speaker and relationship expert. He specializes in helping couples overcome stale relationships, sexual difficulties and infidelity. In his spare time (whatever that is) you’ll catch him restoring his hot rod or coaching his children’s soccer games.

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