Ways to Create Intimacy in Marriage

boring intimacy in marriage

After years of partnership, intimacy in marriage can become more difficult. Thing like intimacy in sex, connectedness, nonsexual physical touch, and romance are harder to maintain. And sometimes harder to regain after it’s been put on the backburner for years. In the journey of a partnership, intimacy acts as the compass that guides couples through the ebbs and flows of a relationship. It’s a multifaceted concept that encompasses both sexual and non-sexual dimensions, each playing a pivotal role in nurturing a deep, meaningful connection between partners. Let’s delve into how intimacy, in all its forms, is essential for a thriving relationship.

Communication is Key in Marriage

Everyone has heard “communication is key.” We’ve heard this phrase so much, maybe to the point where some doubt whether communication is key. Spoiler, it depends how you execute and utilize said communication. Transparent communication is vital for deepening intimacy in marriage, fostering trust, understanding, and connection. Sharing feelings, desires, and concerns strengthens emotional bonds and trust, aiding conflict resolution and shared growth. In sexual intimacy, transparent communication provides opportunity for increasing quality satisfaction and comfort in sex, creating an emotionally safe space for exploration.

Active Listening in Marriage

Empathetic communication, open curiosity and clarity are key elements in productive communication. Your therapist/couple’s therapist can help you and your partner(s) explore areas of improvement, interrupting patterns and replacing current scripts to employ you with the necessary skills and tools to master healthy communication.

After years of partnership and life getting in the way, private quality time and shared activities or hobbies can be difficult to pencil in the calendar, despite these aspects of a relationship can play a crucial role in enhancing both sexual and nonsexual intimacy in a marriage. Spending time together in a focused and meaningful way allows couples to reconnect, share experiences, and create new memories, which strengthens their emotional bond. Think back to when you and your partner were just dating and getting to know each other. That quality time you spent together, spent getting to know each other with excited curiosity, excitement to put life away to be fully present with this person/people you were eager to explore. Imagine you could maintain this approach past the honeymoon phase and fully into a several decade long marriage. With this, there are opportunities for laughter, joy, and mutual support, reinforcing the couple’s connection and sense of belonging to each other. This shared joy and companionship can result in a stronger sexual relationship, as the emotional intimacy cultivated through quality time and activities enhances physical attraction and desire.

Physical Connectedness

Encompassing affectionate touching and healthy sexual relations plays a pivotal role in rejuvenating intimacy within a marriage. Contrary to a lot of assumptions, physical connectedness does not strictly mean sexual contact, despite it being what many practice. Nonsexual physical touch can be a profound communication tool, conveying love, appreciation, and a sense of belonging between partners. This can look like holding hands, hugging, a gentle caress, cuddling on the couch, feet touching under the table, etc. Take a moment to ask yourself how it might impact you to kiss your partner in a longing way, hug them deeply while they are doing house chores with no redirection to sex. These small gestures of love, appreciation and connection can help in building a strong emotional bond, fostering a sense of security and trust.

When physical connection does relate to sex, it is a collaborative cocreation of a healthy sexual relationship. That can encompass frequency, duration, level of satisfaction, and potentially even sexual diversity. For some, sex with their spouse is a physical manifestation of their emotional bond, reinforcing their unity and commitment to each other. Engaging in a healthy sexual relationship not only enhances emotional intimacy but also promotes physical well-being, reducing stress and fostering a happier and more fulfilling relationship.

Sex and Intimacy

If sex and intimacy are key components you would like to discuss in therapy, it is advised you ensure find a therapist that has the proper ethical, sex-positive lens.

Emotional support and understanding are the bedrock of a deeply intimate marriage. Empathy and validation are not just acts of love; they are the threads that weave the fabric of a strong, enduring relationship. When partners actively listen to each other, acknowledging feelings without judgment, they foster an environment of trust and safety. This validation tells a partner, “Your feelings matter, and you are not alone,” which is incredibly powerful in healing and strengthening the bond between them. In marriages where intimacy has waned, focusing on emotional support and understanding can rekindle the connection. It’s about seeing and being seen, in all your vulnerability and strength, and choosing to walk together, hand in hand. This journey of mutual empathy and support not only brings back intimacy but elevates it to a deeper, more meaningful level.

Achieving shared life and relationship goals is crucial for maintaining a profound connection in marriage. Commitment to personal growth enriches the relationship with fresh perspectives and energy, averting stagnation and cultivating mutual respect. Engaging together in learning new skills or pursuing new interests embarks both partners on a journey of collective discovery, which strengthens their emotional bond and mutual understanding. This journey can run parallel to refocusing on spending quality time together, embodying the ethos of perpetual dating and an ongoing exploration of each other’s evolving selves. Such simultaneous individual and mutual evolution keeps the relationship lively and captivating. It fosters open communication, deepens trust, and solidifies the partnership, ensuring a continuously growing and strengthening bond.

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