As a couples counselor, I get a lot of couples who come to see me complaining about their sex life. Usually it’s because one partner wants it too much or one partner doesn’t want it enough. But a lot of times couples come to see me for help in the bedroom because sex just isn’t as exciting as it used to be. Sure, they still enjoy it and look forward to doing it but it just doesn’t have that excitement it used to have.When this happens, a lot of couples shrug it off because, hey, life is busy. After a full day of work, then coming home to help kids with homework, getting kids to practices, getting dinner ready, etc. you’re just wiped out. You still love your spouse and would like to do it – if you just had the energy. Sound familiar?
If this is a familiar story and your sex life just isn’t as exciting as it used to be then spicing up the bedroom with a little bit of kink can have some benefits for you and your relationship. If sex by itself isn’t exciting enough for you then you need to do something to make it more exciting and give yourself a reason to look forward to it!I Here are some benefits that adding kink can have for your sex life and your relationship:
Adding Kink can Create More Connection as a Couple
If you’re like most couples, you have the taboo topics that you and your spouse just can’t talk about (e.g. your mother-in-law’s over-involvement, your uncle’s drinking problem, etc). When couples stop fighting about these topics and finally knuckle down to talk about them openly and respectfully then they usually find a closeness and connection they didn’t know was possible. It feels good to finally let your hair down and talk to your partner about something important to you without it blowing up. The same happens with talking about kink. Kink is one of those taboo topics that a lot of couples just can’t talk about. After all, it’s embarrassing to tell your partner about certain fantasies. It opens yourself up to judgment and even ridicule. But when you finally pony up and talk about your sexual desires openly and respectfully you’ll be amazed at the closeness it can bring you.
Adding Kink can Lead to More Exciting Sex
This is a no-brainer. But you’d be surprised how many couples sit on my couch complaining about boring sex who have never walked through an adult novelty store with each other – or even browsed an online novelty store together. The purpose of kink is to add some flavor into the bedroom. How much flavor is up to you. There’s a reason there are so many options of toys, costumes, games, etc. There’s usually something for everyone. Regardless of whether you add a little or a lot, adding kink is adding more to your bedroom. And it adds more excitement.
Adding Kink can Lead to More Sex
Behaviorism 101 says that people don’t do what they don’t enjoy. And if you enjoy it, then you’ll do more of it. Makes sense, right? So if sex just isn’t as appealing to you these days then there’s something about it that’s not enjoyable – or at least AS enjoyable. So if you prefer sleep or browsing Facebook instead of having sex then adding some kink might be able to help you out here, too. As mentioned before, adding kink can create excitement and closeness which will make sex more desirable. Then, voila! next thing you know you’re doing it more. Thank you Behaviorism!
Remember, adding kink doesn’t mean that sex has to be extreme. Adding kink can be as simple as using scents, oils and candles. Or it can be much more extreme such as bondage, polyamory and more. There are all kinds of options to choose from. Have an honest conversation with your spouse about some of your fantasies and see where it goes!
About the Author:
Aaron Anderson is a therapist and Director of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, CO. He is a writer, speaker and relationship expert. He specializes in working with couples learn to communicate and overcome sexual difficulties.