When you’re getting married or thinking about getting married, you ask for all sorts of advice from anyone who’s willing to give it. You know marriage isn’t always easy so you do your homework and try to get advice that will help in any way. You think it might prepare you more for what lies ahead. But despite all your good efforts and forethought, there are some things that nobody tells you and you end up finding it out the hard way.
So as a good friend that you never had who has a little insight on marriage, I will enlighten you with this information in hopes that it will help you have realistic expectations of you, your spouse and your marriage. Hopefully, this will help you to also prepare for whatever lies ahead. and you will be able to tackle whatever obstacles might arise.
Ten Truths About Marriage Nobody Told You
1) Dating When You’re Married isn’t as Exciting. Everyone’s heard that you should do a date night when you’re married to keep things exciting. Well, dating when you’re married isn’t actually all that exciting. When you’re married (and especially when you have kids), date nights usually turn in to a quick dinner out so you can hurry to Target before it closes. After all, you have to get that present for your friends’ baby shower this weekend and neither of you have time during the week to get it.
2) ‘And They Lived Happily Ever After’ isn’t Always So Happy. I’m sure you’ve heard that marriage isn’t always fun and games. But you think that means that there are just some days when you don’t really get along. Well, what that really means is that there are sometimes several days or weeks or even months when you don’t get along. You’re still married but sometimes you wonder why. It happens in every relationship. Even the good ones.
3) Sex Gets Better When You’re Married. Despite popular belief, studies show that sex actually gets better when you’re married. Sex becomes more intimate, more connecting and even increases in frequency. So don’t let your single friends’ sex life make you jealous. You’re actually having better sex than they are. And more of it. And because you’re only doing it with one partner, you’re at less risk for communicable diseases. No wonder sex is better when you’re married!
4) Kids Really Drag Down Your Sex Life. I know what you’re thinking: “Who doesn’t know that kids drag down your sex life”, right? But most people underestimate just how much they drag it down. Studies show they really, really drag down your sex life. They drag it down in both intimacy and in frequency. A lot. So don’t be surprised when you hear yourself saying “Honey, I know that sex slows down after kids, but…it’s practically non-existent”.
5) Kids are perhaps the Best Thing in Your Marriage. Despite that having children drags down your sex life and decreases marital satisfaction, they still are the best thing in the world. Several years
ago, I sat next to a guy on a plane once who told me “If I didn’t have kids, I would have retired as a millionaire years ago…But I’d rather have the kids”. I still remember that to this day.
Having kids is like wearing your heart around on your sleeve. And looking back, seeing all the times you and your spouse went through with your kids will bring you closer and create more intimacy than you ever imagined was possible. It will also create deeper feelings for your spouse than you ever knew was possible, too.
6) Your Spouse isn’t Supposed to be Your Friend. Everyone’s heard someone say “I’m so happy because I married my best friend”. Well, I actually feel sad for them. Everyone has best friends. But you don’t want to have sex with them.
A spouse is more than just a best friend. They’re a lover. Don’t get me wrong, they’re a best friend, too. But a lover is a best friend and more. They hear your deeper and darker fears than a best friend would. They listen to you cry more than a best friend would. They’re there for you in you most vulnerable times too. They deserve a better title than just “best friend”. They deserve the title of “lover” and “spouse”. You love, honor and cherish each other so much that you can only express it through the vulnerability of making love.
7) Marriage Makes You Cry. Marriage makes you feel things you never felt before. You feel deeper emotions than you ever thought possible. And these will often make you cry. You will feel joy that you never felt before (like when you have your first child), feel nervous like you felt before (like when your child sleeps through the night for the first time) feel sad like you never have (like when your spouse tells you they’re not happy). There are some things there just aren’t words for. So instead, you cry. I’ve seen even the toughest men cry in my office. No one’s immune to it.
8) Marriage is Good For You. It’s pretty popular at bachelor and bachelorette parties to tease about how their life is over now that they’re getting hitched and settling down. But did you know that marriage actually does more good for you than bad? Lots of studies show that married people live longer, have better mental health, better physical health, and have less stress. It’s true. There’s more good things that marriage does for you, too. The things I mentioned here are just the tip of the iceberg.
9) The Good Marriages Make Work Fun. Marriage takes work. Everyone knows that. And you should always be working at your marriage, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be fun. You don’t have to grunt and moan out every problem you have. Think of it like that work retreat you went on last year where they did all those team building exercises. You didn’t sit down and talk all your frustrations out. You did activities, laughed, joked, etc. Marriage is the same way. Through the activities you do (camping, skiing, etc.) you can actually work out a lot of your problems. The more fun you have the better.
10) Marriage is The Best Thing You’ll Ever Do. Some of these things on this list may have made you think twice about getting married or made you think twice about why you got married. But marriage is the best thing you’ll ever do. It will try you and test you in more ways you didn’t know you could be tested. It will give you the lowest lows you ever had. And then when you figure it out, it will give the most satisfaction and fulfillment you never thought was possible. It will give you an awareness of yourself and who you really are. It allows you to reach higher within yourself for the sake of someone you love and teach you altruism, goodness and selfless passion.