Should We go to Couples Therapy?

Things just have not been feeling right lately.  You have started noticing you are more distant from your partner.  Maybe it even feels like the smallest thing could set you off.  It’s not all bad all the time, but when it’s rough…it’s really rough.  It can be tricky figuring out when it is time for you and your partner to get help.  Here are a few of those times when couples therapy is a good idea: 

Related: Should We Separate

same fight over and overIt Has Come Up Before 

It might sound silly, but if you have talked about coming to couples therapy more than once then you should probably do it.  Most of the couples that end up in my office tell me they have talked about coming to therapy before, but decided against it.  Most therapists will tell you that people wait to come to therapy until they are in a crisis. However, you will most likely get more of a benefit if you come in before you are on the edge of splitting up with your partner.  If couples therapy has come up in conversation, then it is probably time to give it a try.   

Trust is broken 

Have you ever had trouble sleeping?  You might try forcing yourself to go to sleep earlier, but you just can not fall asleep.  Then, you get frustrated that you are not falling asleep, and you cannot fall asleep because you are frustrated.  Then the cycle continues.  You can not force yourself to sleep because sleep is supposed to naturally happen on its own.   

Trust is also a process that is supposed to happen on its own.  It just does not work to try to force yourself to trust someone when your instincts say not to.  Trust occurs naturally through connection and intimacy.  If trust has been broken in your relationship, it is a good idea to see a therapist who can help you recover that foundation.   

You Want Different Things 

Sometimes, couples have a solid foundation and they just need help repairing their house.  Other times there is damage to the foundation.  No matter how much work you put into the house, it will be structurally unsound if it does not have a solid foundation.   

One of the questions I always ask couples is, “What do you want your relationship to look like?”  If you and your partner seem to want fundamentally different things from your relationship, I recommend that you see a therapist.  Doing work on the foundation of a house takes a professional.  If this is the case, you will need a bit more help than what having open conversations at home can really provide.   

Here is another helpful link to help you if you are wondering about if couples therapy is right for you.  If you know that you are looking for help contact us here at The Marriage & Family Clinic.

About the Author

Ryan Hicks is a licensed therapist and marriage counselor at The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, Colorado. He specializes in working with couples in high conflict and working with couples in the LGBTQ community. When he’s not working with couples, you’ll find him rock climbing or taking in the great outdoors of Colorado.

Leave a reply