Let’s talk about the thing most couples avoid talking about: sex.
Or more specifically, the problems with sex that are quietly eroding your relationship while you both pretend everything’s fine.
Maybe desire disappeared after kids. Maybe one of you wants it constantly while the other couldn’t care less. Maybe technical difficulties are causing embarrassment and avoidance. Maybe past trauma is making intimacy feel impossible.
Whatever’s happening in your bedroom (or not happening), you’re not alone. And more importantly, you don’t have to just accept it.
At The Marriage and Family Clinic in Westminster, certified sex therapist Hunter English helps couples throughout Thornton and Westminster navigate sexual difficulties that standard marriage counseling doesn’t always address. Here’s what you need to know about sex therapy and how it actually works.
What Sex Therapy Actually Is (And Isn’t)
Let’s clear up the biggest misconception immediately: Sex therapy doesn’t involve anyone watching you have sex or demonstrating techniques on you.
You sit in a comfortable office and talk. That’s it.
Sex therapy is specialized counseling that addresses the psychological, emotional, and relational aspects of sexual intimacy. A certified sex therapist has advanced training beyond standard marriage counseling specifically focused on human sexuality, sexual functioning, and intimate relationships.
Think of it like this: A general marriage counselor can help you communicate better. A certified sex therapist can help you communicate better about sex and address the complex issues that affect sexual intimacy.
Why Couples in Thornton and Westminster Seek Sex Therapy
Mismatched Desire
This is the most common issue couples bring to sex therapy.
One partner wants sex multiple times a week. The other is fine with once a month, maybe. This gap creates a vicious cycle: the higher-desire partner feels rejected and unloved, the lower-desire partner feels pressured and guilty, both become resentful, and the problem gets worse.
Sex therapy helps couples understand that desire differences aren’t about love or attraction. They’re about how individuals experience desire differently. More importantly, a sex therapist helps you find ways to bridge that gap without either partner feeling deprived or overwhelmed.
Performance Anxiety and Technical Difficulties
Erectile difficulties. Premature ejaculation. Difficulty reaching orgasm. Pain during intercourse.
These issues create shame, embarrassment, and avoidance. The more you worry about it happening, the more likely it happens. The cycle intensifies until you’re both just avoiding sex entirely.
A certified sex therapist in Westminster helps address the psychological components of these issues while also ensuring you’ve ruled out medical causes. Sometimes the solution involves working through anxiety. Sometimes it involves redefining what “good sex” means beyond specific outcomes.
Recovery from Infidelity
After betrayal, physical intimacy often becomes complicated.
The hurt partner might withdraw completely, viewing sex as another way to be vulnerable and potentially betrayed. Or they might seek constant physical reassurance that they’re still desired. The unfaithful partner might feel unworthy of intimacy or frustrated by their partner’s shifting reactions.
Sex therapy as part of affair recovery helps couples rebuild physical trust and navigate the complex emotions that surface around intimacy after betrayal.
Trauma and Sexual Shame
Past sexual trauma, religious upbringing that taught sex is shameful, or negative early experiences can make healthy sexual expression difficult even in a committed, safe relationship.
One partner might dissociate during sex. Another might avoid it completely. Some can only engage sexually under very specific circumstances that feel “safe.”
Sex therapists are trained to help individuals and couples work through these deep-seated issues with sensitivity and appropriate pacing. This work takes time but can be transformative.
Life Transitions That Affect Intimacy
Pregnancy and postpartum changes. Menopause. Aging. Medical conditions. Medications that affect libido or function.
These physical changes impact sexual relationships, and couples often don’t know how to adapt. What worked for 20 years suddenly doesn’t work anymore, and neither partner knows how to talk about it or find new approaches.
Sex therapy helps couples navigate these transitions and discover that satisfying intimacy is possible even when bodies change.
Communication Breakdown Around Sex
Many couples can talk about finances, parenting, and household management but freeze up when discussing sex.
They don’t know how to express what they want. They’re afraid of hurting their partner’s feelings. They’ve never learned the vocabulary to talk about their bodies or desires.
This communication gap leads to assumptions, misunderstandings, and unsatisfying intimate experiences that neither partner knows how to improve.
How Sex Therapy Works in Westminster
The First Session
You’ll meet with Hunter English, the certified sex therapist at The Marriage and Family Clinic, in a private, comfortable office at 1511 W. 124th Ave. in Westminster.
Both partners typically attend, though individual sessions may be recommended depending on the situation.
The first session involves discussing your concerns, relationship history, sexual history, and what you hope to achieve. This might feel awkward initially (most people aren’t used to discussing their sex lives in detail), but Hunter creates a shame-free, non-judgmental environment where you can be honest.
You’ll never be asked to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Everything moves at your pace.
Creating Your Treatment Plan
Based on your initial conversation, Hunter develops a personalized approach. This might include:
Education about sexual response: Learning how desire, anatomy, and various factors affect sexual functioning. Many sexual problems stem from simple misunderstandings about how bodies work.
Communication exercises: Practicing how to talk about sex, express desires, set boundaries, and discuss concerns without blame or defensiveness.
Sensate focus: A structured approach to rebuilding physical intimacy that removes performance pressure and helps couples reconnect with physical pleasure.
Addressing underlying issues: Working through anxiety, shame, trauma, or relationship conflicts that manifest as sexual problems.
Homework assignments: Yes, there’s homework. But it’s the kind of homework most couples don’t mind. You’ll practice communication techniques, try specific exercises, or explore aspects of intimacy between sessions.
Ongoing Sessions
Most couples attend weekly or biweekly sessions initially. As you make progress, you might space sessions further apart.
The timeline varies significantly based on your specific issues. Some couples see improvement within 6-8 sessions. Others, particularly those dealing with trauma or complex issues, may work with a sex therapist for several months.
What Makes Sex Therapy Different from Regular Marriage Counseling
General marriage counselors receive limited training in human sexuality during their graduate programs. They can help with communication and emotional connection, but they may not have the specialized knowledge to address complex sexual issues.
A certified sex therapist like Hunter English has completed extensive additional training specifically in:
- Human sexual response and functioning
- Sexual orientation and gender identity
- Medical aspects of sexual health
- Treatment of sexual dysfunctions
- Addressing sexual trauma
- Cultural and religious influences on sexuality
- Alternative relationship structures
This specialized knowledge makes a significant difference when you’re dealing with issues that go beyond basic communication problems.
The Thornton and Westminster Advantage
Living in Thornton or Westminster means you have access to certified sex therapy without driving across the Denver metro area.
The Marriage and Family Clinic offers evening appointments (Monday through Thursday until 8pm), making it easier for working couples to attend without taking time off.
The practice also integrates sex therapy with broader marriage counseling services. If you’re dealing with both sexual issues and other relationship challenges, you’re working with a coordinated team rather than juggling multiple providers.
Common Questions Couples Ask Before Starting
“Isn’t this just about spicing things up?”
No. While some couples do want to enhance an already-good sex life, most people seeking sex therapy are dealing with genuine difficulties that affect their relationship satisfaction and personal well-being. This is healthcare, not relationship entertainment.
“Will my partner’s needs take priority over mine?”
A good sex therapist remains neutral and advocates for both partners. The goal is finding solutions that work for both people, not forcing one person to accommodate the other.
“What if we discover we’re sexually incompatible?”
Sometimes therapy reveals fundamental incompatibilities. But more often, it reveals that apparent incompatibilities are actually misunderstandings, poor communication, or unaddressed issues that can be resolved.
“Is everything confidential?”
Yes, with the same legal exceptions that apply to all therapy (risk of harm to self or others, child abuse, court orders). What you discuss stays in the room.
When to Seek Sex Therapy in Westminster
Don’t wait until your sex life has been dead for years. Seek help when:
- You’re avoiding intimacy and it’s creating distance
- One or both partners feel frustrated, rejected, or resentful
- Physical difficulties are causing embarrassment or anxiety
- You want to connect physically but don’t know how
- Past trauma is affecting current intimacy
- Life changes have disrupted your sexual relationship
- You’re arguing about sex but not finding solutions
- You’re considering having an affair or your partner already has
The sooner you address sexual issues, the easier they are to resolve.
Taking the First Step
Calling about sex therapy feels vulnerable. You’re admitting that an intimate, private part of your life isn’t working. That takes courage.
The Marriage and Family Clinic makes this as comfortable as possible by offering a free 10-15 minute consultation. You can ask questions, express concerns, and determine if sex therapy is right for you before committing to a full session.
Phone: (720) 648-8285
Location: 1511 W. 124th Ave. Suite 200, Westminster, CO 80234
Hours: Monday through Thursday 8am to 8pm, Friday 8am to 5pm
Insurance: Many plans accepted
Hunter English, the certified sex therapist at the clinic, specializes in helping couples navigate sexual difficulties with compassion, expertise, and zero judgment.
Your intimate life matters. It’s a crucial part of relationship satisfaction and personal well-being. You deserve help making it better.
Make the call. Your relationship and your sex life will thank you.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do both partners need to attend sex therapy sessions?
Ideally yes, since sexual issues exist within the relationship context. However, individual sessions may be recommended in some situations, particularly when addressing personal trauma or shame. Hunter will discuss the best approach for your specific situation during your consultation.
How is sex therapy different from seeing a urologist or gynecologist?
Medical doctors address physical causes of sexual dysfunction like hormones, anatomy, and medications. Sex therapists address psychological, emotional, and relational factors. Often the best approach involves both: ruling out medical issues while working on the mental and relational aspects. Hunter can help coordinate care with medical providers when needed.
Will the therapist give us specific things to try sexually?
Sex therapy isn’t about giving you a list of positions or techniques. It’s about addressing the underlying issues preventing satisfying intimacy. However, education about sexual response and suggestions for rebuilding physical connection are often part of treatment. Everything is tailored to your comfort level and relationship.
What if I’m uncomfortable talking about sex in detail?
That discomfort is exactly why many couples struggle. They’ve never learned to communicate openly about intimacy. Hunter understands this and works at your pace, gradually helping you build comfort with these conversations. The process itself of learning to talk about sex often improves your sex life.
Can sex therapy help with exploring different aspects of sexuality or non-traditional relationship structures?
Yes. Hunter English works with couples exploring various aspects of their sexuality and relationship structures. Whether you’re questioning your sexual orientation, interested in opening your relationship, or navigating other aspects of your sexual identity, sex therapy provides a safe, non-judgmental space to explore these topics and their impact on your relationship.
