He Said/She Said: Don’t Take a Break if you Don’t want to Breakup

Dear Aaron and Rachel,wedding happily married

It’s summer and, yes, I’m one of those brides who is getting ready for her wedding. Next month as a matter of fact! But there’s one BIG problem: I don’t want to go through with it!

I’ve thought about it and I know it’s not cold feet because I’m not scared at all about getting married. In fact, I can’t wait to get married. I just have so much more I want to do before getting married. He asked me a little over a year ago when I landed my first job that would go places in my career. I told him yes because I really love him and he’s the one I want to be with, I just don’t want to get married right now. There’s still so much I want to do now that I actually have a burgeoning career. How do I tell him I want to call off the wedding and wait? And how do I tell our family without them thinking we’re having problems?

Sincerely,

It’s Seriously Not Cold Feet

She SaidRachel Russo

Dear Its Seriously Not Cold Feet, If you love this man and know he’s the one you want to be with, perhaps you should reconsider your decision to call off the wedding. Because you may lose him forever. When you are old and grey, what will be more important to you: What you did in your career before you married or that you married the love your life? My thoughts are that your career won’t keep you warm at night! You have your whole life to work–but not to marry the love of your life and/or start a family. Is it possible that you can do both?

Ask yourself if you have limiting beliefs about what you can do with your career while you are married. If you and your future hubby are in love and committed to making the relationship work, I think he can support you accomplishing all that you want…starting now…even if the wedding takes place.

He SaidAaron-Anderson-Marriage-Counselor-small

We counselors and relationship coaches are supposed to help our clients achieve the goals THEY want to accomplish. But I gotta agree with Rachel on this one. I would ask you to seriously reconsider whether you want to call off the wedding or not. It’s a big deal to call family, cancel the honeymoon, lose deposits, and explain to friends for years to come why you postponed a wedding. Plus, most guys (and people generally) aren’t okay with being put second to a career.

That being said, if you really do want to continue going forward with calling off the wedding then I would suggest for you to be as delicate as possible. Don’t use the whole “it’s not you, it’s me” thing. That’s old school and doesn’t really give any closure. Tell him exactly what you’re feeling. Tell him exactly what it is about your career that you want to wait for and give him a timeline of when you’ll be ready to get married. The timeline is important because after a date has been set and cancelled, he won’t want to be put on hold indefinitely. And if you don’t give him a timeline it makes it more likely that he’ll bail out.

About Rachel: Rachel Russo is a Dating, Relationship, & Image Coach who works with marriage-minded singles and couples in NYC and throughout the US. Checkout her website at RachelRusso.com

About Aaron: Aaron Anderson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Director of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, Colorado and writer for various websites on marriage and relationships.

Related Posts

One Response to He Said/She Said: Don’t Take a Break if you Don’t want to Breakup

Leave a reply