The beginning of any relationship is a lot like a summer romance – there aren’t enough hours in a day to soak up on the others presence. You want to be around each other all the time and every little detail can be an amazing surprise. But after many years of companionship you just don’t feel that spark like you used to anymore. Now what?
Your relationship is steady with ups and downs like any other, but you don’t feel the spark anymore. There’s just not as much excitement to get home and see each other as there used to be. And there’s not as much enthusiasm to do things together, either. This happens because life happens. You get busy with jobs, children and all the adult responsibilities. You get comfortable with each other and don’t realize you are neglecting the most meaningful relationship you have. It is imperative to cultivate your marriage as if it is a living organism. It has to be fed positive interactions, groomed of dirty resentments and soothed with positive communication. And there’s no better time to start than summer
Tips to Reignite Your Relationship This Summer
Take advantage of the beautiful weather this summer to reignite your passion for each other. Simple changes can make a huge between a hot spot and a blazing fire:
1) Spice it up in bed: If you are like most couples you got a schedule for sex that fits kids’ activities, work pressure and shaving days. Shake things up by initiating sex at a different times and days of the week and add a little toy or a new lingerie.
2) Start a new activity together: Just like in the beginning where everything is new and exciting, start a new hobby with your loved
one. Make a commitment of taking time once a week to learn or do something new together. The benefits of engaging in a new activity rather than an old one is to bring back the feeling of discovering common and to add to your identity as a couple.
3) Rediscover your partner: People change overtime and it would be pointless to believe your partner has stayed the same. Rediscovering can be done over a romantic dinner, during pillow talk or playing a game. Don’t forget that it is not enough to just ask questions. You must listen without judgement. This is not a debate, it’s a love game to increase mutual respect and understanding.
4) Flirt: Ask anyone that has been married for a long time what they miss the most about being single: flirting with people. You don’t have to stop the flirting after marriage – flirt with your spouse. Send your loved one sweet/spicy text messages during work hours, buy a rose from a street vendor, put on that outfit you feel sexy on and ask your partner out for a mini-date in the middle of the week. Act like you did when you first met and put your best foot forward to impress.
5) Surprise each other: Relationships gets stale from predictability. We create routines to facilitate our life, but that same routine with bring boredom to the marriage. Disrupt the norm by showing up at your spouse’s work for lunch or pack a yummy treat in their bag with a love note.
6) Touch: We all know that sexual intimacy is important for a relationship, but how about just touching? Touch communicates affect, support, love and connection. We don’t realize how comforting a hug can be until we get one. Long term couples might take for granted simple physical contact. So go ahead and hug, kiss and hold hands with your partner more often.
About the Author: Patricia Cochran is a marriage counselor with The Marriage and Family Clinic. She is passionate about helping couples and families to feel connected again. In her spare time, she is busy with her toddler and enjoying friends and family time.