Sounds like an oxymoron right? A nice divorce. It doesn’t have to be to oddity, it should be the norm. So, how does one go about having a nice divorce? It takes two people that love their children more than they dislike each other.
My Nice Divorce Wasn’t Easy
I won’t lie, it was hard to divorce with two small children, aged 3 and 5 at the time. I saw a counselor for a year before the divorce to figure out my issues and we both saw a counselor during the divorce to help make it easier on all of us, especially the children. I highly recommend professional counseling.
We knew divorce was going to be pricey, but we both agreed ahead of time to keep the money between us and the children and not give it all to the lawyers. We agreed to talk about things and work them out rather than go through our lawyers and be billed $350 for each little detail that we just couldn’t sort out.
I Didn’t Make Money and Issue
I also agreed to not go for all the money. I was married to a very wealthy man and in Texas, I am entitled to half. I did not feel like I deserved half. So by me leaving money on the table, this greatly helped our negotiation process. He knew that I wasn’t going to take him to the cleaners. I also expected and knew that he would be responsible financially for our children. So in this case we were lucky that the lack of money wasn’t an issue. However in cases where lots of money is part of it, it helps to be kind when dividing it up. I never felt like my ex had to furnish my future trips to Neiman Marcus.
We Didn’t Trash Each Other in Front of The Kids.
We set ground rules that we would not discuss any of this with the children. They were very young and all they needed to know what that mommy and daddy were getting two houses and they were loved. I speak highly of their father and he does the same. Why would I trash the other parent to my child unless I wanted to hurt my child? Think about it. Keep your kids out of it.
I Didn’t Call Names or Make Threats
At the end of the day, it takes two people to accept that the divorce is going to happen and deal with the rest of the details in such a way that the children aren’t in the middle. It takes two people to not act like teenagers and call names and make threats. It takes two people to grow the hell up and act maturely and deal with the situation at hand.
The Divorce Still Hurt…But Now We Get Along Great.
Sure it hurts, sure it sucks. However, being nasty and petty will only make it hurt and suck more. Being cool, kind and reasonable will serve you well.
Be kind because you love you children and be kind because you love yourself.
I am happy to report that 5 years later, we are still good friends. We are both remarried and his new wife is awesome and so is my husband. We have birthday parties together and we communicate wonderfully. I won’t lie and say we never have a snag…but rarely. The kids are happy and well adjusted and they don’t think divorce is a bad word. They feel lucky they have more people to love them and two cool houses.
Marina Sbrochi grew up in Dublin, Ohio and attended The Ohio State University, she’s a forever Buckeye. She is the IPPY Award-winning author of Stop Looking for a Husband: Find the Love of Your Life. She had the nicest divorce possible and is writing another book to end bitter divorce battles. She is also a dating coach in Dallas, Texas. You can find more at stoplookingforahusband.com, on Facebook and on Twitter.