You want more romance in your relationship, but it is difficult with all the the busyness of life. You spend so much time at work and with your children that there’s hardly any time for your personal interests. And forget about romance! But what if there was a way to make romance a regular practice and less of a chore? There is – and the answer is to celebrate more! When you celebrate more, you create more romance and connection with your partner.
Ways to Celebrate Romance in your Relationship
Remember, 5 Positives to 1 Negative
Dr. John Gottman, a leading couple’s researcher, identified the “Magic Ratio” of 5 to 1. What that means is that through his research he found that for every 1 negative experience, couples need 5 more positive experiences just to have a stable relationship. Couples who find reasons to celebrate more moments naturally have more positive experiences. When you come across the ups-and-downs that life has for you, find any reason to celebrate with your partner to promote that connection and aim for 5 more positive interactions.
Finding Times to Celebrate
If this concept is new to you, most likely it is hard to think about times that you might celebrate. To help you brainstorm, there are larger celebrations such as major holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and big life events/transitions. Then there are also smaller celebrations such as receiving a compliment/acknowledgement at work, random anniversaries (first kiss/first date), getting a pay raise, or ending the week. When you put thought into it and make it a habit, it becomes easier to find the positive things in your life (or relationship) to celebrate.
How to Celebrate
Reading through this article, you might think that celebrations need a lot of time, effort, or money (such as vacations or lavish dinners). While it is nice to celebrate with expensive occasions, it is not always necessary. For example, to celebrate ending the week, you can go to a yoga class that is offered for no extra cost at your gym. Or, to celebrate when your partner receives a compliment/acknowledgement at work, you can give them a massage. Sometimes, you may have a day planned full of chores but instead, to celebrate you decide to relax and do what makes you happy. Celebrations can be extravagant and expensive, but they can also be simple and practical. Do what fits best for your relationship and the situation.
When you celebrate more, you create more romance and connection. By paying attention to that magical 5 to 1 ratio, finding times to celebrate helps your relationship to feel balanced and positive overall. Finding times to celebrate can be difficult; make sure to keep an eye out for both the small and large celebration opportunities. To celebrate, it does not need to be expensive. Do what is most practical and beneficial to your own relationship.
About The Author
Chris Cummins is a couples counselor at The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, Colorado. He focuses on working with with couples in high conflict and couples who are experiencing substance abuse. Living in Colorado, Chris enjoys hiking traveling and anything else outdoors.