As a marriage counselor I see couples who come to me for all sorts of reasons. A lot of the reasons couples to me are pretty unique but some of them are pretty similar regardless of age, race, etc. Of the many problems couples come to see me for there seem to be a lot of similarities in women’s complaints about men. In fact, when couples end up divorcing there are a lot of similarities that I hear (in my office and out) about what their husband did wrong that caused the divorce.
Now don’t get me wrong, I realize that women contribute to divorce just as much as men do – which is why I wrote an article on what women do that cause divorce. This article is mean to be a followup to that article. It’s also meant to help men who are facing difficulties in their marriage and want to know how to fix them – or who are looking to know what they did wrong so they don’t repeat the same things in their next relationship. So with that in mind, below are 5 things men do that contributed to the divorce.
Men, 5 Ways You Contributed to Your Divorce
1) You Didn’t Do the Dishes. This is one that you may not believe but it’s true. If you’re not pulling your own weight around the house and relying on your wife to cook, clean, wash and otherwise take care of you, then you should have married your mother. Your wife is not your mother. And if you treat her like your mother don’t be surprised when she leaves you.
2) You Didn’t Show Her You Cared Enough. Just because you married them years ago doesn’t tell them that you still love them today. There are lots of reasons that people stay together and it’s not always because of love. People stay together for the kids, out of fear of being single, and because they don’t want to split custody with their children. If you’re not showing your wife you love them in a way that they understand then you can’t blame them for wanting to divorce. After all, who wants to be in a loveless marriage?
3) You Didn’t Listen to Her. Women really do want to feel understood and listened to. Sure, giving advice on how to fix difficulties is important. But let me sure you’re doing enough of that. And even if you weren’t she’s competent enough to figure it out on her own anyway. But one of the things that you really are short on is just listening and validating. All you have to do is show that she has your undivided attention and you really do care about what happened (also, see number 2 above).
4) You Weren’t Good Enough in Bed. Yep, your fears about your inadequacy in the sack are true. Women don’t just want sex. They want that really good, connecting, electrifying sex. This can’t come through technique alone. This has to come with the whole package. It has to come through genuine love, mutual vulnerability and sincere attention to her and her needs. If you’re not giving her this, you’re not giving her what she needs – in the bedroom or out.
5) You Waited Too Long to Go to Marriage Counseling. Remember, when she finally decided to leave and you asked to go to a marriage counselor first. She told you something like “I’ve been saying that for years. But now it’s too late”. Well, she meant it. Don’t wait until after she leaves before you go to a marriage counselor. Go at one of the first signs of real difficulty. Real men do what a man’s got to do in order to be a man. Including talking about their feelings.