Dating is tough. You end up kissing a lot of frogs before you finally find someone who you think might actually be worth a little more time and attention. So when you find that special someone that you can see yourself dating for a while (and maybe even marrying) you feel all sorts of warm, tingly feelings. Just thinking about them makes you feel good inside.
But when things don’t workout, all those good feelings you once had inside go away. And instead of good feelings, you’re left with feelings of sadness, anger and even bitterness. After all, you spent a lot of your time with them. You gave up a lot to be with them and you really tried to make it work. You put a lot of thought (and heart) into the relationship. For them to turn around now and breakup with you makes you sad and even angry.
But instead of lamenting the breakup, there are things you can that not only help you get over your ex, but can help you become a new and improved person. And as a new and improved person not will you no longer think about your breakup, you’ll be poised and confident, ready for an even better relationship than the one you just got out of.
Tips To Come Out On Top After The Breakup
1) Stop Wondering What Went Wrong. In my office, I see a lot of clients who come to me after a divorce or after a long-time relationship and they just want to know what went wrong. They think that if they could just understand why that it would make them feel better. But the sad news is that it usually doesn’t work that way. Even if they are told why, the breakup still hurts.
2) Don’t Jump Back Into a Relationship Right Away. When you were dating, you gave up a lot of time to go out with your boy/girlfriend. And now that you’re single, you have all that time back. There’s no need to jump back into a relationship. Remember, you don’t have to be in love all the time. Take your time being single and enjoy it. You have a lot more free time to do what YOU want. You might not ever get this chance again. So take advantage of it while you can.
3) Get Back In Touch With Old Friends. When you were dating, you gave up a lot of time to be with your ex. That means that you had to push aside time you would have normally spend with friends to be with your ex. But now that you’re single, you have more time to rekindle with some of the old friends you haven’t seen in a while. Catch up and see what’s new.
4) Take Advantage of Career Opportunities. Remember when your boss asked you to go to that conference with him but you couldn’t because you were doing something with your ex’s family? Well, now there’s nothing holding you back. Now that you’re single is a great time to put in those extra hours, and extra effort to advance your career. This will put you in a great place personally and when you finally do find Mr./Mrs. Right you’ll be in a good place in your career, too, so you can invest more time into them.
5) Explore New Hobbies. When you’re dating someone new, you find yourself being exposed to new things, new people and new ideas. You’re exposed to a new circle of friends, new past times, etc. From a therapists’ point of view, this is actually good for you. It stretches you and makes you consider things you wouldn’t usually consider. So now that you’ve broken up, you’re a different person than you were before because you’ve been exposed to past times, etc. Instead of trying to go back to the old you, explore the new person that you are.
So go ahead and try new hobbies, go to new places to eat, etc. Not only can this be a lot of fun for you but it also makes you a more interesting and exciting person. And soon enough you’ll find yourself in a great (better) relationship with someone who finds you fascinating. They should. You’ve done a lot to improve yourself.