Dear Aaron and Rachel,
My wife and I have been together for about 3 years now and we get along pretty well, except that we’re always quibbling about stuff she posts online. I mean, it’s not so bad. But it seems like anything we do she has to post it on Facebook, Instagram, or Tweet about it. I feel like I’m the star of some kind of reality TV show where anything I do is there for the world to see whether I like it or not.
I’ve tried talking to her about it and she says that all her friends love what she posts so I shouldn’t be so worried about it. She says they don’t make fun of us or anything so she doesn’t see why I’m so bothered by it. The truth is, it’s not that I’m bothered by it it’s just that I don’t want my life all over the internet for the world to see. I’d like a little more privacy. Any ideas to help other than ‘talk to her about it?”
Dear “Likes My Privacy”,
Thanks for writing in! This is actually a very common problem in today’s world of dating and relationships. There are plenty of boyfriends and husbands who feel just like you. I am glad to hear that you have expressed your feelings to your wife, and I’m sorry that she did not show more empathy for you. I know you are looking for some other type of suggestion other than a conversation, but another conversation is what you need.
This time, I suggest a more productive one. Ask her to compromise. Ask her to post less. Ask her to have date nights in which your photos will not be posted on all the social networking sites. She has to respect your privacy if she wants to be in a healthy and happy marriage with you.. If she doesn’t listen to what you say I would suggest using actions to communicate. If it takes withdrawing a bit for a day or two for her to get the message, so be it! Your needs must be met.
I hear ya brother! My wife is an amateur photographer so it seems like everywhere we go she’s saying “smile”. And then, yes, the pictures usually end up on Instagram or Facebook – or both. Do you mind if I ask you why you’re so bothered about her posting your dates on social media? Speaking from experience, I’ll sometimes get compliments from her friends about the stuff we do and it’s kind of nice hearing them. Plus, it makes her feel good when her friends ask her about it. Sure, it’s annoying having to pause for pictures all the time but the reward on her face is worth it. Plus, it’s kind of fun looking back on her posts to see all the neat stuff we did.
Having said that, I understand your want for privacy. In this internet world there’s no telling where your pictures may end up and there are certain ones that you may not want your colleagues or employer to see. I think most people (including your wife) would understand this and If it’s a real concern to you maybe you can ask her to change her privacy settings so that only your close friends and family can see the pictures. Or ask that she only posts them to certain sites with good privacy settings. Or discuss with her what photos you’re comfortable sharing certain people before she posts them.
About Rachel: Rachel Russo is a Dating, Relationship, & Image Coach who works with marriage-minded singles and couples in NYC and throughout the US. Checkout her website at RachelRusso.com
About Aaron: Aaron Anderson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Director of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, Colorado and writer for various websites on marriage and relationships.