He Said/She Said: I Hate Planning Dates!

Dear Aaron & Rachelcouple-on-date

I HATE PLANNING DATES! As a guy, society has somehow deemed that it’s my responsibility to plan any and all dates. Back when I was dating this really sucked because I had to plan dates that girls would like even though I barely knew them. Now that I’m married, I know the things that my wife likes but we’ve already done all that. To do it again is downright boring. With the holidays coming up I feel like it’s a little easier (you know, the traditional ice skating, fall carnival, pumpkin fest, etc) but outside of the holidays, how on earth am I supposed to come up with new ideas for dates? Any guidance?

Sincerely,

I Hate Planning Dates

Rachel RussoShe Said

Dear IHPD,

I hear ya. A lot of men complain about having to plan dates, but trust me: This is a good problem to have! And it is never a better time to have this problem than now. Just Google “Great Date Ideas”. So much comes up with a quick search! You can find creative ideas that your wife would love with the click of a mouse.

A tip I would give you is to think about getting away. The change of scenery that a weekend getaway could provide – or even a day trip – could spark romance and have the date-planning process feeling fresh! If you want to stay local, check out listings for cultural events and shows happening near you. It is all about new experiences. And don’t be afraid to ask your wife for input. Give her options. Women love for men to plan a few date night options and then pick within those options. Good luck!

He SaidAaron-Anderson-Marriage-Counselor-small

 

Dear IHPD,

It seems like you and I have felt the same frustration, brother. It sucks that society places this expectation on the man in the relationship to plan the dates. If you ask me, this is an archaic societal role and as a professional I think it’s no good for relationships, either. It sets relationships up for failure from the beginning by sending a message to men that they have to read their partner’s mind and guess what they’d like to do. I mean who doesn’t know that mindreading is not an effective communication tooI in marriage? I think it also sends an erroneous message to women that their job in the relationship is to sit back while the man tries to woo them – another expectation that will set your relationship up for failure in the future.

That said, until the stars re-align and we have a men’s movement like the feminist movement we are just stuck with this expectation. So the best thing I can tell you is go to Groupon or LivingSocial.com. They have tons of great ideas and they usually have a discount for them, too. Also, don’t dismiss seasonal things as bad date ideas. I’ve found these are usually the funnest. For example, in the spring go fly a kite or find a hike with blossoming wildflowers. In the summer, go swimming or camping, in the fall go to a carnival or go look at leaves in the park, etc. There are a lot fun seasonal things you can do and it usually keeps your date fresh compared to, say, dinner and a movie.

About Rachel: Rachel Russo is a Dating, Relationship, & Image Coach who works with marriage-minded singles and couples in NYC and throughout the US. Checkout her website at RachelRusso.com

About Aaron: Aaron Anderson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Director of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, Colorado and writer for various websites on marriage and relationships.

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