Help! We Feel Disconnected!

There comes a time in your relationship when you start to feel disconnected from your partner. Feelings of disconnect can stem from a variety of different things including: actual distance from each other, being in a relationship long-term, lack of intimacy, or lack of communication. Although you may be feeling disconnected from your partner, there are ways to build this connection back- but, the work has to be put in! Check out these 3 tips to start reconnecting with your partner to stop feeling disconnected.

1.Reconnect Through Conversation

If you’re feeling disconnected from your partner, chances are, you are struggling to connect through communication. How are conversations with your partner? Do you struggle to have something to talk about? Do your conversations tend to turn to arguments? To connect through communication, think about topics that don’t escalate into an argument. What are you communicating about then? Something happy? Fun memories? Start communicating about these things more to add some positivity to your conversations.

Oftentimes, couples who have been in a relationship long-term will feel that they don’t have anything to talk about with their partner. After all, you’ve been with your partner so long, you know everything about them, right? Although it may feel like you know everything about your partner, if you’re feeling disconnected from each other, this is likely not true. Avoid assuming that you know. Start asking questions about your partner like you would at the beginning of your relationship. What interests do the two of you have, what are current stressors, what goals are you and your partner aiming for, what is currently on your mind, etc. Asking these questions helps to you and your partner to start reconnecting through conversation.

2.Reconnect Through Time

Everyone is busy and everyone has distractions. But, don’t let these distractions stop you and your partner from connecting with each other. What occupies your time when you and your partner are together? Is your time interrupted by electronics or other communications? Disconnect from electronics and other distractions when you are with your partner to actually connect and be present with them.

Moreover, start dedicating time to spend with your partner to show that you want to connect. Whenever you dedicate time to something it helps to actually accomplish what you are hoping to do. So, with that being said, if you intentionally plan for time to connect with your partner, you will likely actually connect with them! If you’re struggling to think of what you and your partner could be doing with your time to reconnect, think about moments when you have felt connected to them in the past. What were you doing then? And how can you do more of that now?

3.Reconnect Through Intimacy

Oftentimes, when couples experience a disconnect in their relationship, intimacy is likely struggling in some way. How satisfied do you currently feel about intimacy with your partner? Is it as frequent as you’d like? Does intimacy feel connecting? Or, is intimacy quick and just to “get the job done”? Focus on creating deeper and more connecting intimacy with your partner by starting to talk about it. How do you want intimacy to look? What are things you enjoy and how can these things keep happening? What are things that you want to try when you’re intimate with each other? Having conversations with your partner around intimacy and actually taking actions to what you talk about can help you feel more connected.

What do you think? Are you ready to start reconnecting with your partner? If you’re feeling disconnected in your relationship, you can feel connected again, but it will take work. Reconnect through conversation, time, and intimacy and see how this helps you and your partner to feel connected again!

About the Author

Amanda Cummins is an associate therapist with The Marriage and Family Clinic. She focuses on working with couples in distress as well as families and children in transitions. As a Denver Native, Amanda enjoys hiking, yoga, and spending time with her family.

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