Between work, having kids, and coming home tired every night, the spark in your relationship can easily fade away. But, remember what it was like at the beginning of your relationship – less obligations, spontaneity, and courage to try new things. Don’t stay bored in your relationship! Try these 4 techniques to help get your relationship out of a rut.
4 Tips to Get Your Boring Relationship out of a Rut
1. Change Up Date Night. I’m guessing that you and your partner have a routine. May be every Friday night you go out to dinner and a movie. Or maybe, you and your partner haven’t had date night in ages because you’re too busy with work, taking care of the house, and raising your children. Don’t let excuses get in the way of your relationship – date night must be a priority! What are things that you and your partner wanted to do, but haven’t had the time? What are dates from the past that you want to bring back? Think about your answers to these and act on them! The only way that things are going to change is if you make the first step.
2. Adjust Your View of the Relationship. By this point, you and your partner have gotten into the same mundane pattern. You see other relationships that appear to have it all and you’re tired of living this way. Think back to when you and your partner first got into a relationship. Likely, it was not boring or it was far from boring! The first step to getting your relationship out a rut is to change your view of the relationship. To start, think about the positives – when are times when you and your partner are not bored and feel like the relationship is thriving? What were you and your partner doing in the beginning of the relationship that made it so exciting? Start trying to bring back these things. Remind yourself of the strengths in the relationship and in your partner and expand on these.
3. Switch It Up In The Bedroom. If you are bored in the relationship, things in the bedroom have probably also gotten boring. Is sex planned now? Or is sex unfathomable because it’s such a rarity? If you answered “yes” to either of these questions, then it’s time for a change! First, talk to your partner about your sexual desires. What gets you in the mood? What are positions that you want to try? Once you and your partner have talked about these things then make it happen!
Second, it is important to note that many partners say they aren’t “in the mood” and don’t have sex as a result. Try having sex even when you’re not “in the mood”. You may be surprised how quickly you can get in the “mood” or your partner will see your efforts and will be grateful. Lastly, don’t be afraid to put yourself out there! Show your partner that you are attracted to them, provide your partner with affirmations (compliments), send your partner flirty text messages, and do things that are out of the norm! A little boost in ego can go a long way when spicing up the bedroom!
If you want more tips on a better sex life, check out Aaron Anderson’s video.
4. Be Open to Change. Now that you’ve read how to change up date night, adjust your view of the relationship, and switch it up in the bedroom, you have to be open to change. If nothing changes, the relationship will stay the same. Get excited for this new adventure with your partner, remind yourself of how happy you were when things weren’t boring in the relationship, and be flexible in trying new techniques with your partner. Most importantly, if you and your partner try something and it doesn’t work – that’s ok! When you and your partner find something that DOES work, keep doing more of that!
Amanda Cummins is an intern with The Marriage and Family Clinic. She focuses on working with couples in distress as well as families and children in transitions. As a Denver Native, Amanda enjoys hiking, yoga, and spending time with her family.