I’ve been married for almost 17 years and we were together for two years before that. Our relationship has been good for the most part; We have our fights but we build a bridge and get over them. We’ve raised three fantastic children who are all in their teens now and we live a pretty white bread life in the suburbs. There’s only one problem: I don’t think I’m in love with my husband anymore.
I Wanted Marriage to be More Exciting Than This
I always imagined my marriage to be much more exciting than this. On the weekends, he usually does his own thing and I’ll do mine. We used to try to do things together but we’d end up fighting so we stopped and just agreed to do our own thing. We don’t do anything together at nights, either. He goes to his office and works or watches TV and I stay in the living room watching my own shows. I don’t get excited to come home anymore because he’s just so dull. We have sex sometimes and it’s good but I honestly could probably go without. I find myself fantasizing about other men and what it would be like to be married to them instead of my husband. I’ll also go to chatrooms and talk with other men in order to feel some sort of excitement about being in love because I’m just not right now. The worst part is that I’m worried how long I can stay married before falling in love with someone else.
I don’t want to divorce because we get along well and I’m worried about marrying someone else who’s a jerk. Plus, we have a happy family and I don’t want to break that up. How can I fall back in love again with my husband?
Married Without Love
Thanks for writing. First of all, let me say congratulations for trying to do something about your loveless marriage before you do something like have an affair. Lots of people feel stuck in a loveless marriage but don’t do anything about it until it’s too late. So good for you for being proactive.
Date to Fall in Love Again
There are a couple things you can do to help recreate love and passion again. But perhaps the best thing you can do is start dating again. As you grow older, you both find different interests and hobbies that you didn’t have when you first got married. Instead of exploring these together, a lot of couples do them apart. It’s just easier for your spouse to watch the kids while you go to your interest group. And it’s less expensive than hiring a babysitter. But after so long, couples grow apart and before they know it, they fall out of love. But this isn’t a fatal thing in a relationship.
Date Like You Did When You First Met
Going on dates again does the same thing it did when you first started dating: It helps you get to know each other and find out new things about each other. It’s a bit different practically when you get married but it does the same thing – it helps you get to know each other again. Take him out to places you like and see if he likes them. Go out to places he likes and see if you like them or not. Have an open mind about it and most importantly, talk to each other. Talk about anything but kids and in-laws. You’ll find yourself getting to know each other in new ways and you’ll probably find that you still love each other – you just lost touch.