Couples always try wait it out before seeing a marriage counselor. But when the pain becomes too much, they finally relent and go see one. The problem with this is that by the time couples finally go, there’s been so much pain and so much damage from waiting that it just makes it harder to repair the relationship and it increases the chances of the couple divorcing.
On the other hand, it’s understandable why couples might wait so long. Not every problem that comes up in a relationship needs a counselor. And a lot of couples have the know-how and the resources to fix most problems themselves. So why waste time and money seeing a counselor when you might not need to? If there was only some way to tell when your relationship has crossed that line from being able to fix it yourself into the territory of needing professional help. Below are five tips to help you decide when you need to see a professional marriage counselor.
5 Signs That You Should See a Marriage Counselor
1) Having the Same Arguments Over and Over Again With no Resolution. Couples fight. But most of the time they’re able to kiss and make up and get over it. Even if they don’t agree on a solution, they’re able to say sorry and move ahead with no bad feelings. But when you just can’t seem to come to a resolution together and keep rehashing the same old argument with it ending in the same old hurt feelings, that’s a big sign that you should see a marriage counselor. Even if it’s not a major issue yet, do yourself a favor and see a marriage counselor anyway. Solving this problem early will make sure it’s just a few quick visits to the counselor instead of something more heavy duty.
2) Making Personal Stabs. When couples fight they should be respectful. Even if you don’t agree with each other, that doesn’t mean the gloves should come off and you both have permission to hurt each other. If you ever find that your arguments turn into mocking each other or name calling it’s time to see a counselor. This unhealthy pattern of arguing has been shown to be one of the best predictors of divorce.
3) Violence. This one is as cut and dried as they come. If a partner or couple ever becomes physical with each other it’s time to see a counselor. There are so many ways that this damages a relationship that it is almost impossible to heal without the help of a certified counselor.
4) Seriously Entertaining Thoughts about Someone Else. Everyone thinks about what it’d be like to be with someone else at times. Whether it’s passing by an attractive person at the mall or thinking about a close friend who is especially fun to hang out with you just can’t help but wonder. But if you find yourself having more than just fleeting thoughts about what it’d be like to be with them it’s time to see a counselor, quick. You and/or your relationship is not in a good place if you’re dwelling on thoughts of others and a counselor can help you to see exactly where you and/or your relationship are going stray and how to fix it.
5) Feeling Emotionally Neglected. Marriage is supposed to be fun, exciting and passionate. If your
marriage turns stale and you begin to feel like you’re being emotionally neglected, it’s time to see a counselor – for several reasons. For one, it doesn’t take long until you start feeling angry or stepped on that your needs aren’t being attended to. Second, you’re showing your children what an unhealthy marriage looks like that they’ll most likely emulate when they grow up. And lastly, there’s no reason for you to suffer through a boring marriage when there’s so much potential for you to both be happy. A counselor can help you and your spouse both find ways to ignite your marriage and recreate that spark again.
While there are several other reasons to see a counselor (like infidelity) this list is five common signs in your relationship you should see a counselor. Even if you think you can tough through some of these things for a while, there’s no harm in going to see a marriage counselor sooner rather than later. This will help you make sure your relationship gets better sooner and that you’re happier for longer, too.