With a divorce rate just shy of 50%, that means there are a lot of divorcee’s out there. If there’s one thing people are more scared about than divorce it’s dating after divorce. Some of us had fun dating others of us not so much. Either way, to be married for a few years then divorced and back on the dating scene is intimidating to say the least.
So if this is you and you’ve found yourself recently divorced and back on the dating scene, Here are some tips to get yourself back out there and find the new love of your life.
Stop Thinking About Your Divorce
Nobody’s divorce was a good experience. In fact, a divorce leaves most people feeling once bitten and twice shy. It’s hard to get yourself back out there when those hard feelings brought on by a divorce are still fresh on your mind. In order to get yourself back out there you need to let go of those hard feelings and regain confidence in yourself and in relationships again. If that’s hard to do for you, find a counselor you can talk with about it. This is a great way not only to get over your divorce but to improve yourself so you have more to offer in the dating world.
Don’t be Embarrassed about Your Divorce
People who are divorced often feel like they’ve failed at marriage and, as a result, often feel like they’re second-rate
citizens. Especially when it comes to dating, being divorced can feel like you’re wearing a scarlet letter. But don’t worry about it. Sure, divorce is still stigmatized but it can only stigmatize you as much as you let it. Being embarrassed about your divorce is more of a sign about you than your divorce. Be confident in yourself with all your quirks and ‘baggage’ (including your divorce). There’s nothing more attractive than a person with confidence.
Just be Yourself
I know. I know. It’s so cliche’. But its true. I counsel a lot of couples where one of them tried changing themselves to be in a relationship they wanted. Over time, they got really frustrated trying to fill shoes that didn’t fit…and their spouse got tired of them trying to do it, too. There’s no good that can come from pretending to be someone you’re not. And there’s no need to. There’s nothing wrong with being who you are. Being yourself and being confident about it will ensure that you find someone who is crazy about you. And when you find someone who is crazy about you, sparks will fly. Then your relationship will be off to a great start.
Try Online Dating
You do everything online these days: banking, shopping, setting up your dentist appointment, etc. Why not try online dating, too? Online dating is one of the biggest markets because there are A LOT of people doing it. Sure, there are a lot of creepers out there, too, but you’re going to meet hem even if you weren’t online. So go ahead and give online dating a shot. You’d be surprised who you meet. And to help you sort out what sites to try here’s a handy free online dating guide
from Consumer Reports.
Dating after divorce isn’t always fun and games. You don’t need a marriage counselor to tell you that. But these four tips can help make sure you get off to the right foot. And that’s a great step closer to a great relationship. Maybe one that will last this time 🙂
About the Author
Aaron Anderson is a therapist and Director of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, CO. He is a writer, speaker and relationship expert. He specializes in helping couples overcome stale relationships, sexual difficulties and infidelity. In his spare time (whatever that is) you’ll catch him in his garage restoring his hot rod.