As we get into the swing of Fall and the holidays are approaching, it’s easy to get caught up in the bustle of life and forget about date night. As a family, you’re back to juggling sports and after-school activities, carpooling, and homework. And as a couple you’re already starting to feel the stress of planning and prepping for holidays along with budgeting for gifts and travel. You tell yourself you’ll make time for date night when you’re less busy. But don’t fool yourself, you’re busy in every season of life. Back when you and your partner first started dating it was easier to put time aside and intentionally be present with each other. Early in the relationship there were romantic nights, thoughtful dates and gifts, and choices were made to prioritize time with your partner. But if you’re like most couples, somewhere along the way your relationship became more committed, more established, – and easier to neglect. It unfortunately became easy to forget to plan time together, especially for couples living together. When you spend every night together it just becomes easier to deprioritize date night. However, keeping date night on the calendar has proven beneficial for married couples for so many reasons.
Benefits of Date Night for a Couple
Having a consistent date night as a couple leads to
- Communication – Having time away from the demanding aspect of life (work, children, housework, etc) allows for time for conversations and deepening understanding of each other. It is easy to be distracted and not present in conversations when there are other things fighting for your attention. Using date night as a time to be present in conversations can improve communication for couples. As humans we are constantly growing and changing, use dates as a time to reconnect with your partner and learn how they are changing!
- Commitment – Planning a consistent date night demonstrates your commitment to the relationship and your partner. Life is busy and demanding. Setting aside an evening to be present with your partner demonstrates to them (and yourself) that this relationship is important to you and that you are prioritizing the health of the relationship.
- Memories- The novelty and newness of first dating someone can lead to many exciting memories with that person. People can easily recall the first concert they went to together, the fancy dinner they had on their one year anniversary, or the first trip they took together. It is easy to fall into a date night pattern later on in the relationship. For example, only going to dinner at the tried and true restaurant that never lets you down. While there is nothing wrong with knowing what you like, using date night to create new memories can benefit your relationship in the present. Creative dates can help connect over each partner’s interest, increase excitement, and allow for the building of new shared experiences.
- Intimacy- When spending time enjoying each other and intentionally focusing on your partner it helps to rekindle the romance and intimacy that is often neglected when life gets busy.
Tips to Make Date Night Happen
So now that it is established that date night IS important let’s look at some tips for ensure that it happens:
- Aim for improvement not perfection. It may be unrealistic to attempt a weekly date night depending on finances, schedule, or availability to child care. Choose a schedule that works for you. The idea is that if you and your partner have recently only been going out on anniversaries, increasing that to monthly date nights could be an attainable and more realistic change.
- Research budget friendly dates. Date nights do not need to be expensive to be beneficial. The benefit of choosing novel date activities is you can choose an activity that fits within your budget. Many communities offer free concerts at parks over the summer, or pack food at home and explore somewhere new for a picnic! The point of the date is not to find the most elaborate setting or meal, but instead to connect with your partner.
- Take Turn Planning- Taking turns planning dates keeps the pressure off of one partner to make all the decisions about date night. By taking turns it keeps both parties invested in the date and also allows for each person to share their interests with their partner and makes the responsibility of planning equal.
- Childcare swaps- Having children can make date night feel even harder to get on the calendar. Talk to family friends that also have children about doing a babysitting swap! Taking turns watching each other’s kids could not only free you up to have an evening for each other, but could also pass on the favor to your friends!
Fitting date night into the busy-ness of this season can feel difficult but dont’ just focus on the challenges. Take time to reflect on ways that it can be attainable for you and your partner. Remember, the importance of dating is not in the fancy meal or the elaborate night out, but in the intentional time that you take to reconnect with your partner away from the distractions of everyday life.
Also, remember that sometimes date night is not enough. Although dates are beneficial for couples, some martial issues require more help than simply a night out can provide. If you find yourself in a situation where date nights are not helping improve communication, commitment, positive interactions, or intimacy. marriage counseling can be a positive step towards improving those areas of your relationship. Take the first step and give us a call at The Marriage and Family Clinic if you think that marriage therapy could be beneficial for you and your partner.
