Category Archives: marriage problems

Ways to Invite Intimacy Back Into the Relationship

Ways to Invite Intimacy Back Into the Relationship

You and your spouse are thinking about couples counseling and you find yourself thinking, what’s the point? Neither of you have felt happy in a long time. You don’t spend any time together outside of paying bills and taking care of the kids, and you can’t even remember the last time you’ve had enjoyable sex. Intimacy is long gone and this leaves you feeling like your relationship is doomed. While this may seem like a hopeless situation, you’re not alone. Many couples come sit on our couch dealing with a similar situation. You’ll be pleased to hear that intimacy does not have to be such an elusive experience! There are many things you can do TODAY to reinvigorate that spark in the relationship that has long been missing.

Put Sex Back on the Table

bad sex, sex problems, marriage counselor, denverNaturally, when we talk about intimacy, all thoughts go to the bedroom. Sexual connection is important in relationships, and issues in this area often land people in couples counseling feeling incredibly frustrated. There are many reasons for this frustration and it usually stems from differences in desire, needs, and expectations. As we get older (and take on greater responsibilities and embrace new roles) our sexual interests evolve and change. This is incredibly natural, however, many couples resist this change and interpret it as a sign that their relationship is in crisis.

To combat this, consider having candid conversations about these changes and grow together in the new understanding of your sex-life. Try making these discussions fun and interactive: talking about sex doesn’t need to be awkward! Talk about who will initiate, what new needs or fantasies exist, and what turns you on and off. Actively work to express these issues and listen to your partner’s responses. Work to keep an open mind and remind yourself that your partner is likely trying to do the same for you. This way, you can both make sense of the changes that can be reasonably made to enhance sexiness and reinvigorate desire.

Rebuild the Emotional Connection

Intimacy is not always solely related to physical connections. Much like sexual urges, emotional needs change as we have different experiences and transition through the phases of life. If you are feeling the distance in the relationship, you are likely struggling with the emotional ramifications of these experiences. If you find yourself needing to process this, look no further than the person struggling right alongside you. By having open and honest conversations about your experiences and emotional needs, you may be better able to find some common ground on the status of your relationship.

 Inviting emotional intimacy into your relationship again does not have to be an insurmountable task. Often times incremental changes toward pleasurable experiences are more lead to greater overall relationship satisfaction! While you are engaging in these conversations, remember to manage your expectations. Putting too much pressure on the relationship will make noticing the incremental growth impossible to see. Be patient with yourself and your partner. You are both learning the ropes of your changing relationship.

Make Time for Each Other

On the subject of small changes for greater connection, let’s start with some old-fashioned quality time. Often times, when life gets hectic it becomes easy to forget to make time for each other outside of the daily mundane and necessary tasks of life.  While it can be difficult to carve out time to “alone-time”, doing so lays the foundation for a solid partnership. Re-discover activities that connect you as partners and friends.

Romance doesn’t always have to look like flowers, dancing, and candlelit dinners. Simply making your relationship a priority can be connecting and inviting of positive change in the relationship. How do you make this work? Dedicate some time weekly to just having fun together: whatever this looks like. Plan some time away from distractions and focus on the postive experiences you share together. strike up interesting conversations, plan an evening out or go for a walk just the two of you. Make the activity something you both enjoy and try to avoid putting too much pressure on the limited time you have

About the Author

Lauri is an intern couples counselor at the Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, CO. She works with couples and families who want to reconnect and strengthen their emotional bonds. Lauri enjoys all things you can do in the great outdoors, horseback riding, and caring for her pets: a cat and a three-legged dog.”

 

Disconnect to Reconnect: How the Internet Might be Making it Harder to Trust

Disconnect to Reconnect: How the Internet Might be Making it Harder to Trust

One main draw of technology is entering a world that is different from the physical one. Many people find themselves turning away from their partners in times of conflict to seek comfort and engagement online. But this can make becoming disconnected from your relationship, and feeling concerned about your partner’s actions online, a real problem. The internet… Continue Reading

Sick of Having the Same Old Fight?

Sick of Having the Same Old Fight?

You’re in the middle of a heated argument with your partner and suddenly you realize you’ve been here before. This problem has come up many times, and it always leads to the same end: tears, harsh words, and a big gap between you in bed. Like so many couples who find themselves in counseling, you… Continue Reading

Signs You Shouldn’t Ignore in Your Marriage

Signs You Shouldn’t Ignore in Your Marriage

We see it in the clinic all the time: couples come in for marriage counseling shocked that something happened in their marriage. Of course they didn’t see it coming. If they would have saw it coming they would have done something to prevent it. They would have intervened somehow. But they didn’t see it. And… Continue Reading

When enough is enough

When enough is enough

You have known for a while that your relationship is suffering. Things are not as they used to be and the conflict is unbearable. You have been trying everything from your mother’s advice, magazine pro-tips and counselor’s suggestions with no real results. We all know that relationships change as we mature and we’re supposed to… Continue Reading

14 (Difficult) Things I’ve Learned from 14 Years of Marriage

14 (Difficult) Things I’ve Learned from 14 Years of Marriage

My wife and I celebrated our 14 year anniversary a couple weeks ago. For a lot of people that means the obligatory flowers, date and end-of-the-night sex. But because I’m a marriage counselor it also means that I looked back at our fourteen years together and tried to learn what I could from it. The… Continue Reading

Staying Strong for Your Spouse Through Life’s Curve Balls

Staying Strong for Your Spouse Through Life’s Curve Balls

When you said “for better or worse” you meant it. But who knew worse could be this hard or that you would need to be this strong to support your spouse through it. Things were going so well, too; you and your spouse were getting along, the kids were good, finances were on point, relatively speaking… Continue Reading