Category Archives: marriage counseling

Should We go to Couples Therapy?

Should We go to Couples Therapy?

Things just have not been feeling right lately.  You have started noticing you are more distant from your partner.  Maybe it even feels like the smallest thing could set you off.  It’s not all bad all the time, but when it’s rough…it’s really rough.  It can be tricky figuring out when it is time for you and your partner to get help.  Here are a few of those times when couples therapy is a good idea: 

Related: Should We Separate

same fight over and overIt Has Come Up Before 

It might sound silly, but if you have talked about coming to couples therapy more than once then you should probably do it.  Most of the couples that end up in my office tell me they have talked about coming to therapy before, but decided against it.  Most therapists will tell you that people wait to come to therapy until they are in a crisis. However, you will most likely get more of a benefit if you come in before you are on the edge of splitting up with your partner.  If couples therapy has come up in conversation, then it is probably time to give it a try.   

Trust is broken 

Have you ever had trouble sleeping?  You might try forcing yourself to go to sleep earlier, but you just can not fall asleep.  Then, you get frustrated that you are not falling asleep, and you cannot fall asleep because you are frustrated.  Then the cycle continues.  You can not force yourself to sleep because sleep is supposed to naturally happen on its own.   

Trust is also a process that is supposed to happen on its own.  It just does not work to try to force yourself to trust someone when your instincts say not to.  Trust occurs naturally through connection and intimacy.  If trust has been broken in your relationship, it is a good idea to see a therapist who can help you recover that foundation.   

You Want Different Things 

Sometimes, couples have a solid foundation and they just need help repairing their house.  Other times there is damage to the foundation.  No matter how much work you put into the house, it will be structurally unsound if it does not have a solid foundation.   

One of the questions I always ask couples is, “What do you want your relationship to look like?”  If you and your partner seem to want fundamentally different things from your relationship, I recommend that you see a therapist.  Doing work on the foundation of a house takes a professional.  If this is the case, you will need a bit more help than what having open conversations at home can really provide.   

Here is another helpful link to help you if you are wondering about if couples therapy is right for you.  If you know that you are looking for help contact us here at The Marriage & Family Clinic.

About the Author

Ryan Hicks is a licensed therapist and marriage counselor at The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, Colorado. He specializes in working with couples in high conflict and working with couples in the LGBTQ community. When he’s not working with couples, you’ll find him rock climbing or taking in the great outdoors of Colorado.

Signs You Shouldn’t Ignore in Your Marriage

Signs You Shouldn’t Ignore in Your Marriage

We see it in the clinic all the time: couples come in for marriage counseling shocked that something happened in their marriage. Of course they didn’t see it coming. If they would have saw it coming they would have done something to prevent it. They would have intervened somehow. But they didn’t see it. And… Continue Reading

Does my therapist know if we will make it? 

Does my therapist know if we will make it? 

So, you are in couples therapy and you get the feeling that your therapist may know whether or not your relationship will make it. But.. they will not tell you. The therapist has seen your arguments and they know the troubles that led you to therapy. The therapist was trained to recognize signs of a… Continue Reading

Mental Health and Your Child Part 2: Questions to Ask Your Future Therapist

Mental Health and Your Child Part 2: Questions to Ask Your Future Therapist

Making the decision to take your child to counseling can be overwhelming. In part 1 of this series, we talked about how and where to find a good therapist. Now, let’s narrow it down to finding a good fit for you, your child, and your family. When starting out on your search one of the… Continue Reading

Stop Damaging Your Relationship: 3 Options Instead of an Ultimatum

Stop Damaging Your Relationship: 3 Options Instead of an Ultimatum

In your relationship, whether past or present, you may have found yourself overly frustrated and exhausted by your partners behaviors, feeling you only have one option: the ultimatum.  For instance, if your partner does not stop abusing drugs or alcohol, start helping around the house or with the children, or end a relationship that is… Continue Reading

She Cheated on Her Ex With Me. Can We Make It Work?

Dear Rachel & Aaron,I’ve been having problems with my fiance. We met online while she was having a really bad time with her now ex husband. The relationship they had was abusive to say the least. And when we first met we… well you know the story. Anyway, it’s been nearly 3 years now and she… Continue Reading

Your Marriage Counselor Actually IS on Your Spouse’s Side

Your Marriage Counselor Actually IS on Your Spouse’s Side

When couples come to me for marriage counseling it’s not usually a hasty decision. Usually, couples have argued back and forth for at least a year or more before they finally decide they need to see a marriage counselor. So when a couple comes to me there’s usually a year’s worth of anger and resentment… Continue Reading

Don’t be Surprised if Your Marriage Counselor is Biased – We’re Supposed To Be

Don’t be Surprised if Your Marriage Counselor is Biased – We’re Supposed To Be

Being a marriage counselor is hard work. Sure, I’m not out in the sun sweating all day. And sure, I don’t have a boss looking over my shoulder. But it’s hard because it’s mentally challenging trying to manage all the psychological things going on between a couple in my office in order to create healing… Continue Reading