Category Archives: making love

5 Ways to Increase Intimacy and Sex in Your Relationship

5 Ways to Increase Intimacy and Sex in Your Relationship

As a couples therapist I hear a lot about how sex becomes a rut and how intimacy seems to be nonexistent. Oddly enough, these ruts are normal in long term relationships. With little to no passion maintenance, the pace and connection between you and your partner becomes predictable and robotic. So today I’m going to share with you 5 vulnerable yet easy ways to bring some erotic passion into your relationship. The only tools and toys you will need are your 5 senses – touch, taste, smell, sight, and sound.

Here is a little disclosure first: when connecting with your partner sexually the 5 sense are a shared two-fold experience. What I
mean is not only are you touching your partner, you are also experiencing touch; your partner hears you, and you hear your partner; During sex, using your 5 senses becomes a dance shared and reciprocated by both people.


Increasing Your Sexual Experience Using Your 5 Senses 

1) Touch. Touch is probably one of the most important elements of the senses during intimacy and sex. Where you touch, how you touch, the pressure used, the speed, and the parts of the body used during touch are a critical part of the sexual dance. Talk to your partner about what they like about being touched, where they desire to be touched and held. Yes, it’s a safe bet touching the penis or vagina are high priorities for you both, but there are other erotic zones on the body. For instance, the back, inner thigh, chest, neck, hips, etc. can be very enticing and heighten the sexual intimacy. If there is a type of touch or pressure you don’t like, tell your partner. Be respectful and kind when telling your partner what you don’t like in the bedroom though.

2) Taste. Yep the taste of you and the taste of your partner play a role in the intimate connection you both experience. Wow…I really hope my mom doesn’t read this part, but I’m about to get a little on the naughty side of taste. Taste includes, the skin, mouth, vagina and penis. There are different areas of the skin will taste different than other areas. This is also in part to where your partner holds their fragrance or essence. Some people call these pheromones.

Tasting your partner’s natural fragrance is bonding and exciting and something you will long for when thinking of your partner. The unique taste of your partner can usually be located near/around their genitals, chest, neck, etc., but its best to discover this on your own. Your partners’ saliva will also have its own unique taste. Again, your partner tasting you is just as critical as you tasting them. On another note, understanding how you personally taste can be something you and your partner discover together – this can be a very erotic and intimate experience.

3) Smell. Very similar to taste is smell. You and your partner individually have a unique and natural smell not shared by anyone else. But here’s the enticing part…during intimate and sexual experiences each of your unique smells mix together through sweat, saliva, semen, and vaginal fluids to create a bond and memory shared between you. As you’re tasting these special zones, take time to smell and appreciate the uniqueness of your partner and of yourself.

4) Sight.
 Whether you’re a man or woman, don’t think that just because you don’t look like a

supermodel or porn star you can’t have sex with the lights on, walk around naked, or be on top of the sheets or the kitchen table. Tell each other what you like about the others body and what the sight of them means to you. There is something delightful and fun looking down at the both of your bodies entangled with the other; watching the movement of your bodies together; and watching how you both are touching each other. Keep your eyes open, watch as your partner enjoys you and the experience you both are sharing.

5) Sound. Let’s face it, quiet sex is kind of boring and only necessary when the kids/others are around! The sound of your partners breath, moans, voice and grunts (yes…I said grunts guys seems to do this) are part of the dance and connection you both share. The tone and noise made by you both contributes to the direction and need you’re meeting for each other. Like laughter is contagious, the moans and groans of your shared sexual and intimate moments are contagious, too.

 Deliberately Use Your 5 Senses

We use our 5 senses daily, but now try them in the bedroom and with the one who is the most important to you. See what happens when you enter this level of connection, intimacy and vulnerability.  Your sexual experience will never be the same.

Tristan Beymer is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and marriage and family counselor at The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, CO. She specializes in helping couples rebuild their relationship to be strong, healthy and passionate. She also works with individuals to overcome difficulties related to trauma and addictions.