Category Archives: intimacy

Ways to Invite Intimacy Back Into the Relationship

Ways to Invite Intimacy Back Into the Relationship

You and your spouse are thinking about couples counseling and you find yourself thinking, what’s the point? Neither of you have felt happy in a long time. You don’t spend any time together outside of paying bills and taking care of the kids, and you can’t even remember the last time you’ve had enjoyable sex. Intimacy is long gone and this leaves you feeling like your relationship is doomed. While this may seem like a hopeless situation, you’re not alone. Many couples come sit on our couch dealing with a similar situation. You’ll be pleased to hear that intimacy does not have to be such an elusive experience! There are many things you can do TODAY to reinvigorate that spark in the relationship that has long been missing.

Put Sex Back on the Table

bad sex, sex problems, marriage counselor, denverNaturally, when we talk about intimacy, all thoughts go to the bedroom. Sexual connection is important in relationships, and issues in this area often land people in couples counseling feeling incredibly frustrated. There are many reasons for this frustration and it usually stems from differences in desire, needs, and expectations. As we get older (and take on greater responsibilities and embrace new roles) our sexual interests evolve and change. This is incredibly natural, however, many couples resist this change and interpret it as a sign that their relationship is in crisis.

To combat this, consider having candid conversations about these changes and grow together in the new understanding of your sex-life. Try making these discussions fun and interactive: talking about sex doesn’t need to be awkward! Talk about who will initiate, what new needs or fantasies exist, and what turns you on and off. Actively work to express these issues and listen to your partner’s responses. Work to keep an open mind and remind yourself that your partner is likely trying to do the same for you. This way, you can both make sense of the changes that can be reasonably made to enhance sexiness and reinvigorate desire.

Rebuild the Emotional Connection

Intimacy is not always solely related to physical connections. Much like sexual urges, emotional needs change as we have different experiences and transition through the phases of life. If you are feeling the distance in the relationship, you are likely struggling with the emotional ramifications of these experiences. If you find yourself needing to process this, look no further than the person struggling right alongside you. By having open and honest conversations about your experiences and emotional needs, you may be better able to find some common ground on the status of your relationship.

 Inviting emotional intimacy into your relationship again does not have to be an insurmountable task. Often times incremental changes toward pleasurable experiences are more lead to greater overall relationship satisfaction! While you are engaging in these conversations, remember to manage your expectations. Putting too much pressure on the relationship will make noticing the incremental growth impossible to see. Be patient with yourself and your partner. You are both learning the ropes of your changing relationship.

Make Time for Each Other

On the subject of small changes for greater connection, let’s start with some old-fashioned quality time. Often times, when life gets hectic it becomes easy to forget to make time for each other outside of the daily mundane and necessary tasks of life.  While it can be difficult to carve out time to “alone-time”, doing so lays the foundation for a solid partnership. Re-discover activities that connect you as partners and friends.

Romance doesn’t always have to look like flowers, dancing, and candlelit dinners. Simply making your relationship a priority can be connecting and inviting of positive change in the relationship. How do you make this work? Dedicate some time weekly to just having fun together: whatever this looks like. Plan some time away from distractions and focus on the postive experiences you share together. strike up interesting conversations, plan an evening out or go for a walk just the two of you. Make the activity something you both enjoy and try to avoid putting too much pressure on the limited time you have

About the Author

Lauri is an intern couples counselor at the Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, CO. She works with couples and families who want to reconnect and strengthen their emotional bonds. Lauri enjoys all things you can do in the great outdoors, horseback riding, and caring for her pets: a cat and a three-legged dog.”

 

Bring Back Sex!

Bring Back Sex!

If sex isn’t happening, or if you or your partner are not satisfied with your sex life, there are likely conflicts in the relationship. You’ve heard it before, but being able to be physically intimate and have sex is what distinguishes romantic relationships from other relationships. Considering this, how are you and your partner addressing… Continue Reading

We Have Sex… but No Intimacy

We Have Sex… but No Intimacy

  When I ask people about sex and intimacy the answer often reflects a belief that they are one and the same. We believe both to mean the act of sexual intercourse. It’s true that they go hand in hand within a healthy relationship, but they don’t need each other to exist. If you are in a relationship that has no intimacy it feels… Continue Reading

He Said/She Said: Is it My Fault My Husband Doesn’t Want Sex?

He Said/She Said: Is it My Fault My Husband Doesn’t Want Sex?

Dear Aaron & Rachel, This is a little embarrassing to say but I feel like my husband is uninterested in me sexually. We’ve been married for almost ten years and have two kids together. Our sex life has always been pretty good until about a year ago. There wasn’t anything big that happened, it has… Continue Reading

Why You Shouldn’t be Friends with Your Spouse

Why You Shouldn’t be Friends with Your Spouse

If you’ve ever been to a wedding before, you’ve probably heard someone say something like:  “Today I married my best friend”. Shoot, you’ve probably even seen it on your Facebook page when a friend or relative is announcing their anniversary. They say something like “15 years ago today I married my best friend”. Whether it’s… Continue Reading

When is Sex Good Enough?

When is Sex Good Enough?

As a therapist that specializes in working with couple’s and intimacy, not having a good sex life is a common complaint I hear from many couples. These couples are not alone in that nearly 45 percent of all couples at any given time suffer from a couple, male, or female sex problem (Laumann et al., 1999). This is… Continue Reading

Reviving Intimacy With Your Partner

Reviving Intimacy With Your Partner

As a couples counselor, one common complaint I hear is that sex is lacking in the relationship. Whether there isn’t time or there isn’t enough, it’s impacting the overall quality of the relationship. While every couple’s story is different – she used to initiate all the time and doesn’t anymore or he’s busy working and… Continue Reading