I’ve been single since graduating college a couple years ago. I’ve gone on dates and even had “it’s complicated” relationships but nothing I’d consider really serious at all. Every summer there seems to be this guy that I keep beginning to date. Things go well for a while and we have a LOT of fun. I begin to think that I could see myself getting serious with him but when Fall comes around we always seem to go our separate ways.
Is it Real or Just Summer Romance?
This is the third year we’ve known each other and we’re beginning to start dating again. The only problem is I don’t want to waste my time on him if it’s just going to be another summer thing where we both go our separate ways in the Fall. I’m fine being single and I enjoy the freedom it gives me to have fun whenever and with whoever I want so it’s not like I’m desperate to settle down or anything like that. I just don’t want to waste my time for a third summer in a row. How do I know if this just a summer fling or not?
First let me say how much I love your pseudonym. When you wrote me this I was thinking of Danny Zuko and Sandra Dee singing ‘Summer Lovin’ as well. In regards to your question, there’s a lot of things you can do to help you decide if this is just a summer fling or not.
Ways to Tell if it’s Just Summer Lovin’
First of all, you need to look inside of you and examine your own feelings. In summer romances, there is usually a lot of intense feelings all the sudden that go along with you both having a lot of fun together. Summer has longer days and better weather so you can do more things with others more often. In other words, it gives you more opportunities to have more fun with people you might not otherwise have fun with. Examining your own feelings will help you decide if you’re having more long-term feelings for him or if you’re just twitterpated.
Secondly, you need to decide if he’s just looking for summer romance or if he’s looking to settle down and commit. When you guys go out do you go do serious things together (like going to meet each others’ parents, etc.?) or do you mostly just do fun summer-ish things like going to the beach, miniature golfing, etc? Couples in serious relationships do serious things together. Couples in short-term relationships do fun things together but never take it to the next level.
Third, you can decide if it’s a summer fling or not by looking at your level of commitment to each other. If he’s turning down friends to make time to go out with you, it’s a little more than just a summer fling. Also, if he’s inviting you to go places with him and his friends and wants you to be included in his life that way, it’s probably more than just a summer fling.
Summer flings are exciting and fun. But make sure you know your limits and that you’re not getting invested in something that’s going to end in a breakup. That turn Summer lovin’ into Fall grievin’.