After all this time in your relationship, you are now feeling like your love is fading. You have gone through a lot of different experiences together up to this point. Now, there is a routine in your life and it feels comfortable. It feels good, but not great. There were earlier days in your relationship where times were exciting, new, and risky. But today, you are unfulfilled and don’t know how to go on. You need to address it now before it gets a point where it becomes irreparable. Read on to find the cure for your fading love.
What do they say about how to make relationships work well? Communication, communication, communication… If you do not express your dissatisfaction to your partner, they will never know something is wrong and you will not be able to come together to address it. Heck, they may be thinking the same exact thing, hoping that you will bring it up first. Tell them what you think may be going wrong (i.e. boring routine, no dates, no intimacy). Then, be open to hearing what they have to say. This conversation may be hurtful, but push through it. Make sure this is not a complaining session by turning the conversation toward solutions. What can you both do to make the changes you want to see. Then take action!
Over time, efforts in the relationship go unnoticed. The things that used to make you excited or happy, now just feel like the status quo. The good in your relationship is overlooked and now it feels natural, normal, and expected. Instead, be intentional about expressing appreciation towards one another. Tell them “thank you” for what you enjoy about them or how they contribute to the relationship. Additionally, be grateful for what you have in your relationship right now. Yes, maybe the old days used to be a blast. But what can you be grateful for now? A roof over your head, healthy children, stable finances, a television that works.. Practicing gratitude is a habit that creates contentment, especially when it comes to little things. Otherwise, you miss out on those when they become the norm in a long-term relationship.
Last but not least, bring on the novelty! You need newness for excitement. Maybe hiking was fun in the beginning of the relationship but now that you do it once a month, it has lost its novelty. Incorporate new things into the relationship regularly. This can be as simple as changing up the restaurant for date night or changing the show you binge-watch on Netflix. Newness is the lifeblood of an exciting and passionate relationship – enjoy it!
The cure for fading love is speaking up, practicing gratefulness and appreciation, and incorporating novelty. Speaking up helps to come together and create action steps towards solutions. Appreciation and gratefulness help to recognize the positive in one another and in the relationship as a whole. Lastly, novelty creates the excitement and passion that was missing. Now go put this into practice and comment below about how it worked for you!
About The Author
Chris Cummins is a couples counselor at The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, Colorado. He focuses on working with with couples in high conflict and couples who are experiencing substance abuse. Living in Colorado, Chris enjoys hiking traveling and anything else outdoors.