If you take a moment to think back to the last time you and your partner had a date night with just the two of you, how long ago was it? Did you actually enjoy each other? Or did most of the conversations revolve around kids and responsibilities? Sure, these conversations are important, too. But it’s equally important to have special times together where you don’t discuss work or other frustrations. You don’t even have to leave the house or do anything fancy to do this, as long as you and your partner can find some alone time. If your schedules will allow once a week, or at least once every couple of weeks, you will certainly see your relationship regain that spark it had in the beginning when you used to have these conversations more.
If the beginning was “a long time ago” and you think there couldn’t possibly be anything left to talk about, you will be surprised. We are all growing and changing every day, gaining new perspectives, developing new favorites, discovering new parts of ourselves. These conversations will give you the opportunity to be close and connected like when you were getting to know each other however many months or years ago. Here are a few ideas for connecting conversations to get you started:
Reminisce on when you fell in love with each other
Talk about each other’s life dreams
Share what really makes you tick; what inspires you; what dreams you have for the future. Remember that life dreams can be vulnerable. Listen attentively and be respectful, even if you don’t have the same dream or inspirations
Discuss the hobbies and interests you share
Common interests and hobbies are likely how you and your partner met and connected over in the beginning of your relationship. Let these interests promote connection throughout your relationship, and explore new interests with each other
Make plans to do something you enjoy doing together
Leisure activities often fall on the way side when life gets busy. Make it a priority to schedule in regular activities that you both enjoy to promote closeness. Yep, that means date night!
It is very easy to come up with reasons that could keep you from planning an upcoming date. It is also very easy to let work or stresses slip into your conversations. But remember that your relationship is something that needs nourishment to stay alive and flourish. Your relationship needs a time out from the daily stressors and frustrations. Make these special dates a priority and re-experience how great it feels to be close and connected again.
Let me know in the comments what topics you like to promote connectedness and intimacy in your relationship!
About the Author
Kelsey Vincent is an intern at The Marriage and Family Clinic. She works with couples and individuals who struggle with emotional intimacy, as well as those who find themselves perpetuating destructive patterns. Kelsey enjoys all activities in the beautiful Colorado outdoors, including camping, mountain biking, snowboarding, and slalom water skiing.