Category Archives: connection

More Celebrating = More Romance!

More Celebrating = More Romance!

You want more romance in your relationship, but it is difficult with all the the busyness of life. You spend so much time at work and with your children that there’s hardly any time for your personal interests. And forget about romance!  But what if there was a way to make romance a regular practice and less of a chore? There is – and the answer is to celebrate more! When you celebrate more, you create more romance and connection with your partner. 

Ways to Celebrate Romance in your Relationship

Remember, 5 Positives to 1 Negative

Dr. John Gottman, a leading couple’s researcher, identified the “Magic Ratio” of 5 to 1. What that means is that through his research he found that for every 1 negative experience, couples need 5 more positive experiences just to have a stable relationship. Couples who find reasons to celebrate more moments naturally have more positive experiences. When you come across the ups-and-downs that life has for you, find any reason to celebrate with your partner to promote that connection and aim for 5 more positive interactions.

Finding Times to Celebrate

If this concept is new to you, most likely it is hard to think about times that you might celebrate. To help you brainstorm, there are larger celebrations such as major holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and big life events/transitions. Then there are also smaller celebrations such as receiving a compliment/acknowledgement at work, random anniversaries (first kiss/first date), getting a pay raise, or ending the week. When you put thought into it and make it a habit, it becomes easier to find the positive things in your life (or relationship) to celebrate.

How to Celebrate

Reading through this article, you might think that celebrations need a lot of time, effort, or money (such as vacations or lavish dinners). While it is nice to celebrate with expensive occasions, it is not always necessary. For example, to celebrate ending the week, you can go to a yoga class that is offered for no extra cost at your gym. Or, to celebrate when your partner receives a compliment/acknowledgement at work, you can give them a massage. Sometimes, you may have a day planned full of chores but instead, to celebrate you decide to relax and do what makes you happy. Celebrations can be extravagant and expensive, but they can also be simple and practical. Do what fits best for your relationship and the situation.

When you celebrate more, you create more romance and connection. By paying attention to that magical 5 to 1 ratio, finding times to celebrate helps your relationship to feel balanced and positive overall. Finding times to celebrate can be difficult; make sure to keep an eye out for both the small and large celebration opportunities. To celebrate, it does not need to be expensive. Do what is most practical and beneficial to your own relationship.

Chris Cummins Marriage Counselor

About The Author

Chris Cummins is a couples counselor at The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, Colorado. He focuses on working with with couples in high conflict and couples who are experiencing substance abuse. Living in Colorado, Chris enjoys hiking traveling and anything else outdoors.

Ways to Invite Intimacy Back Into the Relationship

Ways to Invite Intimacy Back Into the Relationship

You and your spouse are thinking about couples counseling and you find yourself thinking, what’s the point? Neither of you have felt happy in a long time. You don’t spend any time together outside of paying bills and taking care of the kids, and you can’t even remember the last time you’ve had enjoyable sex.… Continue Reading

Help! We Feel Disconnected!

Help! We Feel Disconnected!

There comes a time in your relationship when you start to feel disconnected from your partner. Feelings of disconnect can stem from a variety of different things including: actual distance from each other, being in a relationship long-term, lack of intimacy, or lack of communication. Although you may be feeling disconnected from your partner, there… Continue Reading

Disconnect to Reconnect: How the Internet Might be Making it Harder to Trust

Disconnect to Reconnect: How the Internet Might be Making it Harder to Trust

One main draw of technology is entering a world that is different from the physical one. Many people find themselves turning away from their partners in times of conflict to seek comfort and engagement online. But this can make becoming disconnected from your relationship, and feeling concerned about your partner’s actions online, a real problem. The internet… Continue Reading

We Have Sex… but No Intimacy

We Have Sex… but No Intimacy

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How Summer Vacation Can be Helpful for Your Marriage

How Summer Vacation Can be Helpful for Your Marriage

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Staying healthy and fit after marriage

Staying healthy and fit after marriage

One of the most common pieces of advice we hear when getting married is “don’t get too comfortable and let yourself go”. It’s a well-meaning (albeit mean) and often true prediction. We should feel comfortable and confident in our relationship to not feel the pressure of looking attractive 24/7, but it is also important to stay healthy… Continue Reading

Can You Hear Me?? The Importance of Validation

Can You Hear Me?? The Importance of Validation

Validation can be the difference between happy and unhappy relationships but is sometimes one of the toughest things for families to show and communicate to each other. One of the most common things I hear as a counselor is “they don’t hear me!” Couples come in and describe wanting to be heard by their partner,… Continue Reading