Category Archives: breakup

3 Glaring Signs It May Be Time To Leave Your Relationship

3 Glaring Signs It May Be Time To Leave Your Relationship

As a couple’s therapist in Denver, there is often a natural bias towards wanting couples to stay together. Therapists love seeing couples happy, passionate, and excited about their relationship’s future. However, there are also times where it is clear a relationship may not be a good fit. There are red flags that show when a relationship is in danger. Here are those signs so you will know if you should consider couples therapy to mend things, have an open and honest communication about these warning signs, or choose an exit route.

No Effort

This one is a sure-sign that your relationship is headed for danger. If you find that your partner is putting no effort into the relationship or that you are putting no effort into the relationship – it is time to consider leaving. It is true that when couple’s are arguing, communication is happening. I have seen relationships that go from the loudest arguments to the loudest laughs within the same session. Those couples care about each other; love each other; and are passionate about making the relationship work. But, if you have tried and tried, and you have burnt yourself out so much that you are no longer willing to put in the effort (or even argue to try to make a change), you just found red flag #1. 

Failed Expectations

Failed expectations are a perfect example of how you chose the wrong path and the path may never lead back to where you want to go. For example, your ideal partner was an outgoing, charitable, and/or healthy individual. But now your partner is introspective, self-satisfying, and/or indulges in unhealthy habits. Your current partner may have caused the loss of relationships, there may be frequent arguments about their choices, and there are no signs of change on the horizon. Your expectations of a relationship have failed and you do not want to change those expectations to meet your partner where they are at. If you are not adjusting your expectations to accept them and they do not have a mind to change, this is red flag #2. 

Out of Tools

Let’s be real, if you are reading this article, this may have been one of your last stops before calling it quits. You may have gone to therapy, read articles, listened to webinars, watched self-help videos.. done everything to try and make a change. Although you have done all of this and tried the tools you have learned, your partner still doesn’t seem to appreciate you or return the love. When you are giving love, being vulnerable to the best of your ability, and putting yourself on the line to be hurt again and again, there comes a time to wonder – When is a good time to say it has been enough? You may have reached the end of the rope with this red flag #3. 

There are three big signs that it may be time to leave your relationship: either partner not putting in effort; one partner failing to meet bottom-line expectations; and trying everything/anything you have learned about relationships with minimal to no response. If any of these things are happening in your relationship and you have not considered couple’s therapy, I would HIGHLY recommend therapy before making any rash decisions. There is also room for initiating an open and honest communication about these signs that you are seeing. Also, it is important to know that during hard times (the ups and downs of a relationship) you will only see the negative. If these signs have only been happening for a short period, you may want to consider hanging in there until you can make it work again. 

.

Chris Cummins Marriage Counselor

About The Author

Chris Cummins is a couples counselor at The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, Colorado. He focuses on working with with couples in high conflict and couples who are experiencing substance abuse. Living in Colorado, Chris enjoys hiking traveling and anything else outdoors.

When enough is enough

When enough is enough

You have known for a while that your relationship is suffering. Things are not as they used to be and the conflict is unbearable. You have been trying everything from your mother’s advice, magazine pro-tips and counselor’s suggestions with no real results. We all know that relationships change as we mature and we’re supposed to… Continue Reading

Healing After a Breakup

Healing After a Breakup

So, maybe you’ve found yourself in a bad relationship and want to end things before it gets even messier or maybe your relationship suddenly ended.  Either way, you’re left to deal with the aftermath of the break-up.  Unfortunately, because every break-up is different and we all handle things in our own way, there is not… Continue Reading

Break Free from Relationship Limbo

Break Free from Relationship Limbo

So the story goes, boy meets girl, or boy, or girl meets girl – or some version of the sort.  You date, maybe you fall in love, maybe you don’t.  Either way, as you travel through life together, unbeknownst to you, your partner decides to disembark the love train, leaving you single, grieving, and possibly… Continue Reading

How to Talk to Your Young Child About Divorce

How to Talk to Your Young Child About Divorce

  Divorce is hard. Even under the best of circumstances, when parents decide that a divorce will ultimately benefit their own and their family’s health and happiness long term, the short term is hard. There are many resources to help families during this challenging time but it can be grey when it comes down to… Continue Reading

Breaking Up is Hard To Do: These Tips Will Make It Easier

Breaking Up is Hard To Do: These Tips Will Make It Easier

It happens to the best of people. You’re in a good relationship sailing along smoothly and then for whatever reason you decide that the inevitable has to happen: you have to breakup with your Significant Other (SO). Whether it’s because your relationship started becoming too rocky, or you realized you two were just going in… Continue Reading

What How I Met Your Mother Teaches Us about Love

How I Met Your Mother is one of those sitcoms that has it all: comedy, fear, love and heartbreak. But over the course of the 8+ seasons, HIMYM has taught us all a little bit about love, too. While the road to meaningful, lasting relationships is often not a straight line, the beloved sitcom shows… Continue Reading