He Said/She Said:Same Old Boring Valentine’s Day

couples datingI feel like Valentine’s Day is for the young. When you’re old(er) and married (like me) Valentine’s Day simply means a fancy dinner  and trying to make it home so you can get the babysitter back before their curfew. Don’t get me wrong, my husband and I do have a nice dinner but we don’t even make love on Valentine’s Day anymore.  Don’t get me wrong, we still do it. Just not on Valentine’s Day.

But I want this year to be different. How do I bring the fun and the spice back into Valentine’s Day? I don’t mean that I want kinky sex tips, I want to do something fun, romantic and exciting again. How do I get my hubs to plan something like that? Any ideas?

Rachel RussoShe Said

No sex on Valentine’s Day?! Why not?! I am of the belief that for most people to maintain a healthy and happy marriage, they need to be intimate at least once a week. This is often especially important for men who need to feel connected, and Valentine’s Day is as good of a time as any to work on maintaining that connection. Perhaps, if you did something fun and exciting, that “sexy time” would follow naturally. So I like where your head is at there.

It would be best to have a new experience with your husband–an activity that neither of you have tried before. Not sure where you live, so it would be difficult to make specific recommendations. My overall suggestion is to do something active-that gets the heart pumping-or something that can help you relax. Maybe a couple’s massage? Take a road trip to a great spa and spend the day there? You can each take turns planning part of the date too. Make it fun and romantic–enjoy. 

He SaidAaron-Anderson-Marriage-Counselor-small

Yeah, Valentine’s Day is fun for lovers but just like any holiday it can get routine and boring. Even sex on Valentine’s Day can be that way, too. As for doing something fun and exciting, the sky is really the limit. I hear couples complain all the time that they always do the same old things together and it’s not fun anymore. But when pressed with new ideas, they say something like “well, we’re not really into that”, “he/she doesn’t really like to do that”, or “I don’t know if we’d like that”.

The truth is, couples feel stuck in a rut because they don’t stretch themselves. They’re too comfortable in their relationship. They stick to the things they know, then complain about always doing the same old things. And when pressed about doing something new they always have excuses why they can’t do that – and they wonder why they feel stuck in a rut. So go ahead and go to Groupon or Living Social and find something out of the ordinary. Make a unilateral decision about what you want to do on Valentine’s Day and do it. Yes, it’ll be new. Yes, it might completely crash and burn. But that’s the point. And you’ll have a memory (and a story) for years to come that you’ll both look back and laugh at.

About Rachel: Rachel Russo is a Dating, Relationship, and Image Coach who works with marriage-minded singles and couples in NYC and throughout the US. Checkout her website at RachelRusso.com

About Aaron: Aaron Anderson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Director of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, Colorado and writer for various websites on marriage and relationships.

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