If you’ve been in couple’s therapy before, you’ve likely heard that if you change the way that you respond to your partner or how you approach conflict with your partner, then that changes the relationship. Well, that’s because any change is change. It’s easy to point the finger at other people, or your partner, to say that if they worked on themselves, then the relationship would be better. Well, what if you focused on being the BEST version of YOU? If you focused your time and energy on being the best version of you that you can possibly be, not only will you feel better about yourself, but your relationships will improve too! Check out these 3 tips to see how you can start to work towards being the BEST YOU that you can be!
This is probably one of the hardest things for people to do! It’s not easy to take an honest look at yourself to see the ways that you can improve, but it’s necessary. When you start taking an honest look at yourself, you stat to have self-awareness. In order to be the best version of you, you need to start being honest with yourself and build this awareness of yourself. To start this process, think about how you react to your partner and other people when you’re feeling upset or angry. Do you yell? Do you respond with hurtful comments? Or, do you shut down? Thinking about how you react to difficult situations can help you to start thinking about ways to change this.
Whenever you and your partner are in conflict, you likely feed off of each other which is what escalates the conflict. Change that! Start trying to understand where your partner is coming from. Ask them how you can be of support to them. Take some deep breaths to avoid yelling and to slow your heart rate down. Taking an honest look at yourself means that you’re looking at yourself when you may be struggling the most. Start challenging yourself to change these aspects to work towards a better version of you!
2.Decide What You Want
What are the changes that you want to see happen in your life? How will you know once you’ve accomplished your goals? Are these changes related to your physical health, your mental health, your relationships, or your career? To be the best version of you that you can be, you have to decide what you are working towards.
So, first and foremost, set some goals. Have a clear idea of what you are working towards! The key in this step is that you are not expecting or depending other people to change. Therefore, if you currently want your relationship to change, think about how YOU can make that happen. If you’re struggling at work and want your co-workers to change, think about what YOU can control to change the atmosphere. To be your best version of you, you must focus on the things that you can control and not what others control.
Therapists love to promote self-care, but that’s because self-care is so important for your health and your relationships! How do you take care of yourself both physically and mentally? Now, you’re probably thinking, “what if I don’t have enough time in the day for self-care?” Unfortunately, you’ll never feel like you have enough time in the day to do what you need to. But, for you to be the best version of you that you can be, you have to take care of yourself.
Don’t believe it? Put it to the test! Challenge yourself to prioritize 30 minutes to an hour of self-care each day and see how this helps you to be the best version of you! Self-care can look different for different people, so decide what self-care looks like for you. Self-care can be taking an extra hot shower, going for a run, treating yourself, setting aside time to read, turning off your phone so that you can be present with others, doing yoga, etc. Find self-care outlets that work for you and practice them each day.
Are you ready to be the BEST YOU that YOU can be? Focusing on changing what you can control will not only help you, but it will help those around you and your relationships. Put these tips to the test and work towards being the BEST YOU!
Amanda Cummins is a marriage counselor with The Marriage and Family Clinic. She focuses on working with couples in distress as well as families and children in transitions. As a Denver Native, Amanda enjoys hiking, yoga, and spending time with her family.