A Couple Who Makes Love Together Stays Together

When I got married, I got a lot of marriage advice. I got advice from my parents, friends, grandparents, people I met in the store that I didn’t even know. They would usually tell me the same old trite things: Never go to bed angry, always say I love you, blah, blah, blah. As I look back I realize this bad marriage advice was probably never meant to actually be advice at all. IT was actually more of a conversation maker that creates conversation with someone getting married. It wasn’t actually good advice at all.

Now that I’ve been married ten years and have been a marriage counselor for five years, I have a lot better marriage advice for couples than the same old trite ones you’ve heard before. And this advice works well for couples in all stages of marriage; whether you’re recently engaged or have been married for forty years this advice is great to not only create a happy marriage but create a lasting marriage. The advice is: a couple who makes love together stays together.

Three Kinds of Sex in a Relationship

Sex is a metaphor for your marriage. If the sex is bland and boring, it’s likely that your relationship is bland and boring, too. And if sex is hot and spicy but lacks intimacy, your relationship is probably hot and spicy but lacks intimacy, too. The bedroom and the rest of your relationship are inseparably connected. No matter what the bedroom is like, sex can be broadly categorized into three categories:

1) Screwing & Being Screwed. This is the type of sex where you or your partner just want to get off. The sex is fun and can be hot but it’s not very romantic or connecting.

2) Routine Sex. This is the kind of sex that you have because it’s been a while since you did it last and it might be a long time until you get a chance to have a really good romp again. So you just do it because you can.

3) Making Love. This is the romantic, connecting kind of sex. This sex is exciting, connecting and intimate. You usually cuddle and talk afterwards.

Making Love Together Makes a Couple Stay Together

Of all the different kinds of sex you’re having, the one to make sure you’re having plenty of is the third kind: Making Love. Unfortunately, this is probably the one that you’reing do the least of. Because you’re so busy, most of your sex falls into the routine variety. You normally do it in the morning or when you’re both getting ready for bed at night because it’s the most convenient. There isn’t a lot of foreplay or build up because you just want to go to bed.
The first kind (screwing and being screwed) happens sometimes, too. Usually during makeup sex or when you’re just so hot you and your partner sneak off into the bathroom for a quickie while your kids are watching TV.
But the third kind (making love) is the one that will keep your relationship together. This one forces you to make love to your partner. This one forces you to be in tune with your partners’ needs, wants and desires. Making love happens outside the bedroom as much as it does inside the bedroom. And I don’t just mean in exotic places. Making love happens outside the bedroom by doing fun things together, talking romantically with each other and flirting, etc. Then when it comes time to physically make love, all that pent up affection comes out in the bedroom and it’s an experience you both cherish.

Don’t Neglect the Bedroom

A couples’ sexual relationship is vitally important to a happy marriage. And because couples who make love together stay together, it’s important not to neglect the bedroom. Regardless of what marriage advice you got when you got married, don’t forget to be making love often to your spouse. And if you’re not, it might be time for a welcome change in the bedroom.

4 Responses to A Couple Who Makes Love Together Stays Together

  1. I think you're absolutely right! The way a couple relates to each other in and out of the bedroom are connected. This is probably the best relationship/marriage advice ever! Couples need to make sex a priority, just like everything else in their lives and relationship.

  2. Great article Aaron! It's true… but I think there are reasons and places for all three types of sex in a relationship. Not that you shouldn't be intimate or connected, but sometimes one or the other just needs a little spice… and the act of doing that with them because they need it is a show of intimacy too. And sometimes peoples' lives are just plain overwhelmingly busy, and it takes planning and concerted effort to have sex… which often takes the romance and intimacy right out, but that doesn't negate the need to do this. Otherwise, busy-ness and other things can always find a way to squeeze out the time a couple has for sex. Just some thoughts. But I love your article and premise… the making love type of sex is ESSENTIAL to a successful, long-term relationship for SURE!

  3. Aaron,
    I'm so glad I found your blog. I actually know you from school, but am too embarrassed to say who I am. I have been contemplating going to a therapist because of the lack of action in my bedroom. It's so embarrassing…I donydon't think I can face anyone.

    My husband and I rarely have sex. We went almost 3 months once and I about died. We don't even sleep in the sanesame room anymore. I have tried talking to him several times about it and also that I need touch outside the bedroom too but it's not getting better.

    I feel so ugly and worthless. 🙁

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