7 Reasons Your Husband is Checking out Other Women

7 Reasons Your Husband is Checking out Other Women

When you got married, you thought he picked you and only you. So why is he checking out other women? Well, some of the reasons might surprise you. Here are seven of them:

1. He has a natural drive

Your husband has an instinctive, biological drive inside him that attracts him to women — it’s why he started to date you. It’s why he dated other women before you and it’s why he’ll date other women if you ever divorce. It’s also why he stays attracted to you. So be thankful that he has it.

sexy woman (3) a2. There are other attractive women in the world

There’s a reason that the Victoria’s Secret fashion show overloads and shuts down web servers. There are other attractive women in the world. But just because you may not look like a Victoria’s Secret Angel doesn’t mean he thinks any less of you. He married you for a reason and he still finds you attractive.

3. There’s no harm in “just looking”

When you go shopping with friends, you sometimes go into store to “just see,” even when you had no intent of buying something. Your husband isn’t so different. Sometimes he looks to “just see” even if he has no intent on doing anything more. Again, he has an inherent biological drive that makes him attracted to females.

4. He is preparing for the worst

Everyone knows that there is a 50% divorce rate in the U.S. While everyone wishes for the best in their marriage, your husband may be preparing for the worst — especially when 69 percent of divorces are initiated by women.

seductress5. He has an imagination

You probably got butterflies a time or two when you were watching a movie and the hunky guy kissed the girl. You probably even imagined yourself in the girl’s place a couple times. Just like you imagined yourself being that girl, your husband has imagined himself being that guy. This imagination is good. He brings that imagination home to you and it creates novelty, romance and spark between you two.

6. It makes him feel masculine

Growing up, men have more social expectations to be suave and to be a real Cassa Nova with women. As a result men are socialized to feel manly for being able to attract a woman. When he checks out other women, he imagines what it would be like to attract certain ones and it makes him feel strong, secure and manly. It sounds cheesy, I know. But it’s true.

7. He’s a little insecure

smiling couple (2)aBecause he’s a little insecure he’s always keeping his options open. Sometimes insecurities come from things that aren’t going well in a relationship; but sometimes it can even be his own inherent insecurity stemming from skeletons in his closet. Because no relationship is perfect all the time, and because inherent insecurities are natural, he may feel a little insecure from time to time and check out other girls

If you catch your man checking out another woman, it doesn’t mean he’s planning on leaving you. He chose you. He’s still committed to you and wants the best for your marriage. Don’t be afraid to talk to him if you feel he’s ogling over other girls too much or becoming flirty. But give him the benefit of the doubt, and remember and feel secure in the fact that no superficiality can compare to the deep connection he already happily shares with you.

About the Author:

Aaron Anderson Marriage Counselor 2 x 3


Aaron Anderson is a therapist and Director of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, CO. He is a writer, speaker and relationship expert. He specializes in working with couples learn to communicate and overcome sexual difficulties.

22 Responses to 7 Reasons Your Husband is Checking out Other Women

  1. This is horrible, every reason is just pathetic, its no harm in just looking like when you go to the store,it’s like seeing people as objects… He is keeping his options open, really? A man like this should never get married, stay single please!

    • Men also look at cool cars driving down the road. It doesn’t mean he’s going to take the actions to buy it. Where’s the harm?

      • That’s a bit DIFFERANT ! CARS DONT HAVE FEELINGS ; Nor have they been with a guy who never appreciated them and was caught multiple times practically undressing others !
        I learned to HATE MYSELF and starve and exercise myself to almost death to change , so hed be only attracted to ME !
        Now I’m happily divorced , and engaged with a very loyal guy . however , we just had breakfast out and I caught him check out this 20-something Blonde … Skinny , with tight fitting jeans , tight top and tanned and fake hot pink nails . his eyes ran down her entire body as she walked away from taking our order . I immediately wanted to leave ….my blood BOILED and I couldn’t even eat . he’s always saying ..” It wasn’t my INTENTIONS …” OR ..” I DIDNT MEAN TO “…… BULL SHIT !!! I’m scared I know , but men are always looking and I told him he’s not fooling me one bit !
        I think its best that I just don’t have a man to be able to avoid these feelings of rage and self hate . of men can’t stop looking and being so obvious about looking at their asses or breasts then I can’t be happy with ME . He wouldn’t like it if I looked at a guy with drool practically coming out of my mouth either ! You guys DONT GET IT !
        When he checked this girl out I swear , I could hear what he was thinking !!!
        Men ARE PIGS !!

        • You just stated my thoughts EXACTLY, Cherie! And yeah, the GUY who wrote this article IS definitely an ASS. Remember Cherie, any idiot can write an article online – obviously…

          Most men will NEVER understand how this behavior truly makes a woman feel about her own self – and basically all this trash article does is find ways to downplay all of it and excuse it all. So that “Aaron” and others like him can keep doing what they do and feel totally justified about it.

          When I am in a relationship with someone I truly love, looking at anyone else is the last thing on my mind. I can be out somewhere and not even see anyone else in the room. I have no idea who was there. And I don’t care.

          Good Lord, aren’t there enough chances to “look” when you’re out shopping on your own or watching TV by yourself, etc??? I’m thrilled to say that even when I’m out on my own I don’t feel the need. But Damn! If it’s THAT hard to CONTROL yourself, can’t you at least do that shit on your own time?

          It’s all about respect. Respect for your partner – so THAT is the HARM “Aaron” you DWEEB. When you love someone you show them respect. When you gawk at others – that’s not respectful. PERIOD. It gives your woman this message: “You aren’t enough for me, that’s why I have to look at others, to fulfill something that you aren’t fulfilling.” Which, then, in turn, leaves the message to the woman that there is something wrong with her physical appearance, and throws her into all the self-hate BS. (Which you also can’t relate with, because you’re too busy patting yourself on the back and excusing your inconsiderate and terribly selfish behavior.)

          Have some sense! Realize what is right in front of you! Appreciate what you have and treat it that way. Every woman wants to feel like they are the one and only. If you can’t do that for another person, then don’t. Stay single and look till your eyes bleed and then die alone. 😀

          Cherie – glad you and others called “Aaron” out. He won’t listen because his head is made of wood – but there ARE men who don’t behave this way. Believe that!

          Damn! I could write a better article about something I have never experienced and write it in Japanese (which I don’t know) and it would be 10x better than this garbage.

          Do you even HAVE a woman “Aaron”? If so, I feels all kinds of sorry for her. Girl, JUST GO!

          <3 Cherie

      • Lord help us! You actually wrote this article thinking it actually makes sense? All you’ve done is reduce men down to ignorant creatures who just can’t help what they’re doing, I suppose that yes, if you’re immature and have no self control than you hit the nail on the head! We humans alive today didn’t live through the Paleolithic era but you sound like a caveman.. we have choices to make on everything we do or do not do, a conscience choice. Looking at a car!? Really, what a fantastic way to try and relate objects and humans as one and the same. I know anyone can write articles but should they? If it relies on ones like these than no, no they should not.

    • Thank you for your response, Mimi.

      I agree with you. Any man with these behaviors should indeed remain single. These behaviors are indicators of immaturity, or other longterm problems. Women need a confident man that shows her love, kindness, and RESPECT and vice versa.

    • what a pig!!! I swear this article just made me feel 10x worse! if a man is happy with who he is with with he would never disrespect you by check out another woman….especially with you right there next to him. I guess single is the way to go sadly! 🙁

    • I totally agree!! The dude who wrote this must be the biggest womanizer walking in a pair of shoes ever. A real douche. If you have to check out other women stay single and leave us women also with your sleepy and creepy looking!!

    • Now, wait a second. You mean to tell me that you’ve never crushed on a celebrity or had passing fantasies about a neighbor/friend/colleague? Really?

      • Hello, May I answer this question?

        Yes, perhaps during adolescence. However, once I made the decision to get married, I also made a decision at the same time to respect my husband and not embarrass myself or him by acting immature or foolish by flirting or gawking at other attractive men.

  2. Obviously your a guy and wrote this article. Girls who are in love and feel respected have no need to look at other men. Not only that but what are they gonna check out? Their face? Right… So society exploits woman and their goodies. Woman dress to impress and if your guy was satisfied then no I don’t believe they would look.

    • Hi Stephanie, to your point there are a lot of men who look because they are not satisfied. There are also many men who are completely satisfied in their relationship and look at others anyway. Think about it, do you ever watch a movie and crush over the celebrity in the movie? It’s no different. It doesn’t mean you’re unhappy or unsatisfied with your partner.

      • Dude… QUIT talking about movie stars! WTH?? Oh Lord.

        “There are a lot of men who look because they are not satisfied” Well then “Aaron” that “man” should get some decency and NOT be in that relationship. So according to your “logic” it’s acceptable that someone is looking because they aren’t satisfied in the relationship that they are in?? Do you hear yourself? Do you even HAVE any credentials? Are you just some random person writing a self-important article to inform us all of the vast knowledge you THINK you have?

        No, I didn’t bother to look because it doesn’t matter either way. If you do have credentials – they should be revoked. And if you don’t… well then… that’s my guess.

        If you are not happy/satisfied in your relationship, man or woman, then have the common courtesy and decency to be honest with yourself and your partner. THEN you go looking. That’s the right way to handle that. Tell me I’m wrong.

        Your next point is “there are also many men who are completely satisfied in their relationship and look at others anyway.” But then no more enlightening insight from you regarding why. You’re just some guy sitting at a computer typing this crap and you have no idea what you’re saying. That’s annoying for many reasons “Aaron” but the main one is; people look to the internet for answers when they have no one to talk to – and people like you crowd it up with worthless, meaningless BS.

        Then you start talking about watching movies??? THAT has NOTHING to do with the subject. And I’ll humor you and tell you the difference, even though you won’t understand. Stars on the TV are unobtainable. (Google the word) However, some scantily clad gal in the bar IS. So please shut it about movies.

        In fact, shut it all together. 😀

        • This is so true. When your husband has avoided sex for 4 years but makes sure he “provides” you with everything else you need and he thinks that is perfectly okay, then you have issues. When you no longer want to go out in public with him anymore because he checks out every woman ‘RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU”, that is not acceptable and is very hurtful. This is when you have to make that hard decision to remain in the marriage or not.

  3. Aaron,
    You have it wrong when you try to say that women to the same. That is mostly not true – especially women who are happily married or in love. I have never looked at a movie and thought about the star in a sexual or romantic way – even when I was not in a committed relationship. Please do a little research and understand that men and woman are VERY DIFFERENT in this aspect. The thing you wrote about biology is absolutely true. The issue is that there is too much loose dressing by women today and the affect on men is to distract them from their work and their relationships as the peek of jiggling breasts does cause a sexual / dopamine thrill. What you do not realize is that women do not get a sexual thrill from looking – they get a thrill from being looked at. Men want to see – women want to be seen. Therefore when my husband looks elsewhere he is not looking ast me and not only do I feel threatened – I am insulted.

    If a man truly loves his wife and is made aware of the issue he may try to avoid those situations or to look away when he notices. Sadly for us ladies that does not always happen or it is inconsistent. Just yesterday my husband hurt me in this way. We walked through a market and a girl at the counter was obliviously bra less and in a thin t-shirt. He noticed as did I. He then as we passed by proceeded to look over at her three more times until I said “stop looking at the bra less girl.” He tried to deny it but couldn’t. It has caused me to be upset. We have a deal, it is ok to notice but once you noticed it is not ok to seek it out. Apparently he forgot, he was overcome etc – yet the idea of me being looked at bothers him tremendously.

    My husband said, you can look at other men – I told him I have no interest in looking. I want to be looked at and that if he wants me to be modest in my dress and not provocative then his eyes must remain on me. Simple but not easy formula. It would help if the young women would stop dressing like a Kardashian and start realizing that what they are doing is harming other people – both men and women.

  4. My husband has take a picture of a woman’s behind in public. It was very embarrassing and demeaning for me. I do know how to feel about this

    • Hi Helen,

      Checking out another woman is one thing but taking a picture of her behind is different – especially if the other woman is unaware of him taking the picture (which I’m assuming she is as most women wouldn’t consent to a random guy taking a picture of her derriere.). Have you talked to him about it? Try asking him sincerely why he enjoys this and what he gets from it. Maybe you two can figure something out.

  5. Wow, you Aaron are clueless and completely oblivious of how a good relationship should be. It’s all about respect. It makes a woman feel like they aren’t good enough when their man checks out other women. It shows a complete lack of self control on a mans part. Furthermore, if they do this right in front of you, what are they doing when you’re not present? No excuses, it’s wrong. Maybe the fact that they sense their relationship is going to fail like many others do is exactly for this reason. Maybe if they focused on their wife or significant other rather than being strayed by t&a their relationship would thrive.

  6. Well this advise is from a males point of view. I always say turn the table on him, see how they feel.remember “it’s harmless for men to check out cars”. Well girls cars and purses can be traded anytime. Once you know you no longer need them. Have the callous like a man. They hardly ever appreciate women. They just like girls that don’t do shit at home for them.

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