When you got married, you thought he picked you and only you. So why is he checking out other women? Well, some of the reasons might surprise you. Here are seven of them:
1. He has a natural drive
Your husband has an instinctive, biological drive inside him that attracts him to women — it’s why he started to date you. It’s why he dated other women before you and it’s why he’ll date other women if you ever divorce. It’s also why he stays attracted to you. So be thankful that he has it.
There’s a reason that the Victoria’s Secret fashion show overloads and shuts down web servers. There are other attractive women in the world. But just because you may not look like a Victoria’s Secret Angel doesn’t mean he thinks any less of you. He married you for a reason and he still finds you attractive.
3. There’s no harm in “just looking”
When you go shopping with friends, you sometimes go into store to “just see,” even when you had no intent of buying something. Your husband isn’t so different. Sometimes he looks to “just see” even if he has no intent on doing anything more. Again, he has an inherent biological drive that makes him attracted to females.
4. He is preparing for the worst
Everyone knows that there is a 50% divorce rate in the U.S. While everyone wishes for the best in their marriage, your husband may be preparing for the worst — especially when 69 percent of divorces are initiated by women.
You probably got butterflies a time or two when you were watching a movie and the hunky guy kissed the girl. You probably even imagined yourself in the girl’s place a couple times. Just like you imagined yourself being that girl, your husband has imagined himself being that guy. This imagination is good. He brings that imagination home to you and it creates novelty, romance and spark between you two.
6. It makes him feel masculine
Growing up, men have more social expectations to be suave and to be a real Cassa Nova with women. As a result men are socialized to feel manly for being able to attract a woman. When he checks out other women, he imagines what it would be like to attract certain ones and it makes him feel strong, secure and manly. It sounds cheesy, I know. But it’s true.
7. He’s a little insecure
Because he’s a little insecure he’s always keeping his options open. Sometimes insecurities come from things that aren’t going well in a relationship; but sometimes it can even be his own inherent insecurity stemming from skeletons in his closet. Because no relationship is perfect all the time, and because inherent insecurities are natural, he may feel a little insecure from time to time and check out other girls
If you catch your man checking out another woman, it doesn’t mean he’s planning on leaving you. He chose you. He’s still committed to you and wants the best for your marriage. Don’t be afraid to talk to him if you feel he’s ogling over other girls too much or becoming flirty. But give him the benefit of the doubt, and remember and feel secure in the fact that no superficiality can compare to the deep connection he already happily shares with you.
About the Author:
Aaron Anderson is a therapist and Director of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, CO. He is a writer, speaker and relationship expert. He specializes in working with couples learn to communicate and overcome sexual difficulties.