It happens to the best of couples. You finally feel comfortable in your relationship and that your relationship has become smooth sailing when your partner drops a bomb on you that they’re not happy and they think you should either split up or go see a counselor. At these times, you’re left speechless because you didn’t see this coming. You don’t even know how to respond because you’ve never thought about either of those options before. After all, you thought your relationship was going well.
A lot of people feel surprised like this in their relationship. And I see a lot of individuals on my couch who are left in awe and regret that they didn’t see this coming until it was too late. So before your relationship gets to the point of no return, here are six signs that my experience as a marriage counselor has shown me are signs that your relationship is going south. And when caught early enough can be mended before causing too much trouble.
6 Bad Signs In Your Relationship
1) You spend a lot of time doing other things and don’t miss your partner. This is a bad sign because your partner is important. You should enjoy spending time with them and miss them when they’re gone. If you’re at a point in your relationship where you’re enjoying doing all sorts of things outside of your relationship but don’t miss your partner, that’s a big sign that something is wrong.
Solution: Ask yourself why you don’t miss them and what you’re enjoying about not being around them. When you find this out talk to them about it openly and let them know that you don’t want to feel this way. Tell them you want to feel closer and make plans how to do that.
2) You don’t talk as much. Communication is the gasoline that fuels your relationship. It’s what makes the difference between a healthy relationship and one that is sputtering. Many couples can’t wait to get to that stage where their relationship requires little effort. But effortless relationships can actually be harmful. If you get to the place in your relationship where you don’t talk much anymore, it usually means that you’re both growing distant with each other.
Solution: Find new ways to talk to each other. Go beyond the humdrum “how was your day?” conversations and ask them about something new. Do new things with them that will spark novel conversations.
3) You constantly argue about little things – and never stop. Every couple fights. In fact, fighting can even be healthy when you do it right. But if you find yourself having the same arguments over and over again, without ever resolving them or finding ways to stop then this is a big sign that your relationship is going in the wrong direction. Constant arguing over little things is a sign that there is something bigger going on. Something neither of you can put a finger on – that’s why you keep arguing about it. Unless you get it sorted out, it’s likely that it will continue causing problems.
Solution: Dig deeper into why those little things annoy you. For example, if your spouse doesn’t put the cap back on the toothpaste talk to them about why that annoys you. You may be feeling like they’re being inconsiderate of your requests when they do these little things. Talk about that instead of just the cap.
4) They begin spending more time with others or at work. When there are problems in the relationship, your partner begins to feel less connected to you. As a result, they will usually begin spending more time away from you either with coworkers, friends, family or even doing things by themselves. Couples are supposed to feel close to each other and want to spend time with each other.
Solution: If you see your partner spending less and less time withyou, schedule some one on one time with them and begin reconnecting. Try doing new things that you think they’ll like. Put in a little extra effort and you’ll be surprised how far it’ll go.
5) Sex becomes bland or stale. As our relationship expert Rachel Russo said, sex is a metaphor for your relationship. You can’t have a great relationship and have a stale sex life. The two are inseparable. If your sex life begins taking a turn for the worse that means your relationship is also taking a turn for the worse as well. Sure, things happen that cause ebbs and flows in the bedroom, but if you see it wane more and more it’s time to start looking deeper into your relationship.
Solution: Talk to your spouse about the bedroom. This is a touchy topic so make sure be sensitive. Try to stay away from talking about how often you have sex. This may be a problem as well but the bigger issue is that sex is no longer connecting or electrifying. Spouses are usually more open to hearing about this than how often you’re not having sex.
6) You begin talking about them behind their back. Everybody has gripes about their partner. Some are more important than others, but whatever complaints you have about them, you should be able to say it openly in front of them. If you ever feel the need to say something behind their back, this is a big sign that your relationship is not going well. And by talking to others about it, you’re usually making it worse.
Solution: Instead of talking to someone else about it, talk to your partner about it first. Let them know what it is that is bothering you and why it’s important to you. Be constructive. And most importantly, be sensitive. Nobody likes hearing negative things about themselves so be polite or you may end up causing even more problems.
Don’t Settle For a Bad Relationship
These six things are common signs that your relationship is going in the wrong direction. But you don’t have to sit back and just watch it. There are things you can do to get your relationship back on track. You can do simple practical things like spending more time with each other, going on dates more, or trying to talk more. You can also read books to help you get your relationship revving up again or better yet, call a qualified counselor to help you reignite your relationship. Your relationship is worth it.