5 Reasons Your Husband Always Wants Sex

Sexual difficulties are among the most common difficulties in marriages. And if there’s one complaint that I get a lot from wives it’s that  “My husband always wants sex!”. Now, most women will agree that having sex with their husband isn’t a bad thing. But their complaint isn’t usually just about the fact that their husband wants sex. And it’s not even so much that he wants it all the time, either. Most women’s complaints are actually about the fact that they need to be ready to have sex at any time or else their husband will get mad and it will start a fight. So a sexual advance from their husband comes with an ultimatum of “do it or else we’ll fight”.

Underneath it all, though, is usually a big misunderstanding. Husbands really aren’t trying to give you an ultimatum to ‘have sex or else’. And they’re also not trying to just to use you for their own sexual pleasure, either. There are usually a lot of other reasons that they want to have sex with you. And these reasons are usually a lot more kind and sincere than the ones that first come to your head. Here are five:

Five Reasons Your Husband Wants Sex

1) He wants to Connect With You. A lot of times wives think that their husband just wants to have sex with them just so that he can get off. But the truth is, your husband wants to have sex with you in order to connect with you. Sex is a way for him to connect with you in a way that he doesn’t connect with anyone else, so it’s special to him. And you’re that special person that he wants to share that special connection with.

2)  It’s What Makes Us a Couple. The difference between being roommates and being married is the sex. Sex is a necessary part in a romantic relationship in order to have an intimate and passionate relationship. Without it, you’re just roommates. And nobody wants to be married to just a roommate. Neither does your husband. If you’re not having sex, you’re just being roommates and he doesn’t want that.

3) It’s Fun. Sex is a connecting experience. But it’s also fun. And not every sexual experience needs to be electrifying and connecting. Sometimes it can just be fun. So instead of watching a movie together or checking updates on Facebook, why not have sex? It’s a lot more fun than watching a movie or Facebook, and even fun sex still has some connection.

4) He Wants to Spend Time With You. Sure, you can spend time together cleaning the house, doing dishes, helping him change the oil in the car, etc. But you can spend time like that with anyone – even your neighbors. Because sex is something reserved for just the two of you, it makes that time together special. And it’s a LOT more special than just helping him change the oil or doing the dishes together.

5) He Likes to See You Naked. Unfortunately, we live in a day and age where women are very sexualized. It doesn’t take long after puberty before some jerk at school objectifies you by staring at your boobs in the school hallway. And you experience this throughout college and even when you’re married standing in the grocery line.  As a result, a lot of women are very self-conscious about their body. And when their husband looks at them sexually they can’t help but label him along with the all the other jerks who are objectifying them. But the fact is, your husband does like to look at your body. He should. You don’t want him to think you’re ugly after all. And it’s good for your husband to want you for you – body and all.

A lot of women fall into the trap of assuming the worst reasons why their husband would want to have sex with them. After all, you’re used to all the jerks objectifying you and using you for eye candy. But knowing these five reasons why your husband wants to have sex can help you have a deeper understanding and a deeper appreciation for what he really wants when he makes a sexual advance. And this understanding can help you to feel more connected AND have better sex – not just for him, but for you, too.

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77 Responses to 5 Reasons Your Husband Always Wants Sex

  1. Great post! Sex is just an important part of marriage. A woman should be excited that her husband still wants her just like he should be excited she wants him. Being turned on by one another is what makes a good marriage a better marriage. No one wants to walk around in sweatpants and not feel that part of themselves that makes them feel young. Go after her like you're 21 again and make her feel the crave!

  2. Sex is EXTREMELY important in any relationship. When sex goes, the relationship is going along with it. These are some very important points … sometimes women AND men need to just realize that it also starts with them. Keeping the passion alive keeps the relationship alive. Great post!!

    • Not when there is a problem with your husband having anger issues an not wanting to get help because he doesn’t believe he has a problem.

      • Well then maybe do not be surprised when he screws around on you. Maybe he’s just a jerk. I don’t know, but I do know sex is on our (men’s) mind most of every day and it kind of sucks. But it also sucks when you have to consider masturbation when your spouse no longer wants it every day… I understand there’s more to a relationship, I get it but tell me why we did all those other things: dinner, movies, conversation, general hanging out etc,etc. And still had sex EVERY DAY and now two months later twice a week is cool? Ok, I’ll just wait for her to leave the house so I can go online and and fantasize about younger hotter chicks…

        • Personally I live in a loveless marriage years. I can live without the sex, but not feeling loved is the worse feeling. Sex is too over rated and more than time a day is absosutely ridiculous, lame excuse to feel connected . Pardon me for bursting your manly balls. You can live without sex very well without extra marital affairs and without masturbation.

          • You don’t deserve a husband if that is how you feel about what someone else needs out of a relationship. It goes both ways, and you should both be happy and willing to make the other person happy.

    • Sure it is, but when you have had a hysterectomy and have NO sex drive and he just wants you to be more horny, talk sexy, try something different, do it in the morning, flash your boobs DAILY! Flash him in the car whenever you go out… It gets annoying and tiring especially when you have chronic pain, work a full time job and have NO libido! He works from home, can nap when he wants to, have no desire to go out and get a job to make the money so I can go back on my hormones so I would have the libido again. So, what now? When I am too tired or hiring he gives me the silent treatment or pouts and then says, well he has the right to be frustrated, just let him.

      • Michelle, I know I’m late on replying on this post, but I just happened to come across this. My heart goes out to you and I hope that your situation and circumstances have changed. I can’t relate completely, but I can on the chronic pain, full time job, and the lack of hormone levels. Keep you chin up, sister!

      • Hi Michelle just saw this ..my wife very similar her libido left the village. Sex was then uncomfortable certain positions etc ..I was like your husband constant want loved watch her dress in the morning …yes flashes can be hot …over a couple years lots of self pleasuring,

        I got pissy started looking elsewhere and did.
        That didn’t end well and now we are working to keep are marriage together. Starting our senior years. I am 56..I was selfish and now regret it

  3. I understand what you’re trying to say. But sex 3-5 times a day for hours has made me sore. I even had to go to the dr and he took it as a big ego boost instead of she’s in pain and sore. I should calm it down a little bit. No this was even more of a reason to go at it like wild animals. I can’t and he doesn’t get it. When I say not now he gets mad and walks away this is unfair to me. And he won’t even let me rest during my period. He doesn’t care he still wants to have sex hours at a time. I’m literally beat up down there he has to be insane. It’s as if he’s tiring me out so I don’t go anywhere else. And I never would I’m not a cheater nor have I ever thought about it or done that to any man I’ve been with. The OBGYN said if he won’t stop I’ll have to talk to him. This is excessive. I’m texting my girlfriend who’s having problems with her boyfriend and he wants to pull my pants down throws me over a chair I’ve been dealing w a horrible cold n my nose starts running. And that’s also my fault. Having sex 40 hours a week is nuts n I’ve had enough but if I say no I have to watch him pout n act like he has nothing to say to me?? For Christ’s sake I’m gonna end up in the ER.

    • Hi.give him s bj when you are hurting.use durex play lubrication on him and yoy to lubricate and avoid pain caused by friction.unitialize sex to fees his feelings of being needed by you sexually.pretty soon he would feel and understand you do love his sexuality and that tells a man in his love language that you love him

    • If you do not want what is happening you need to voice that, I’m very concerned for you and what you’re describing sounds abusive

      • I agree, that’s abusive… It’s borderline rape and just because you’re married no still means no… It’s your body !!!

    • Im the same. Not as bad as you though. Sex 16 times in 10 days. I was in so much pain. I just dont even want to do it anymore. Too much is just too much

    • I do understand. I experienced this. Sometimes 7x a, day for hours as uf I don’t have obligations. Wants sex cooking and works. I have a job but I’m always TIRED. He gets angry if I’m too tired and manipulates me until I do. My vagina hurts and he can tell it hurts but he’ll do whatever he can to help it feel better but not so. There’s times I cry. He’s selfish self centered Ald I’m tired. I feel for YOU

  4. Anna — any guy who has injured you by having excessive sex and still insists on it is sick, sadistic and evil. You should ditch him immediately, as he has no concern except for his own penis. BTW, it’s called RAPE if you do not want it.

  5. Anna, then let him pout! Your health is a lot more important than him pouting. Sex is supposed to be fun, exciting and passionate. It doesn’t sound like it’s meeting those requirements

  6. You wen at funny, you starve us men sexually then look at us funny for reacting naturally. If you don’t want, like or need sex you should stay single, I mean never date. Any man is going to expect regular, participatory sex. Especially if he is doing his part. My wife starves me for weeks at a time then acts jealous if my eye starts roaming. It’s like blaming a starving man for staring at the menu.

    • Boy I get this one. I was a very good husband. Did my share of cleaning, listened to her, did little things I knew she’d like, treated her very nicely and accepted declined overtures. But then over time, in spite of gently reminding her that we needed to spend more sexy time together than a couple times a month at best, I began to turn to other outlets such as porn. At this point I’m basically climbing the walls after years and she’s upset if I look the direction of an attractive woman for more than the few seconds she considers ‘acceptable’.

      I’ve always been a very frisky guy and she was not only meeting my needs on a basic level, she really made it clear she had no desire to and since we were now married, it would be on her schedule or not at all.

      It turned out to be not at all, and then after it became clear that this is the way it was, not at all, forever, because I divorced her. This was not the only reason but it was a big one, because I deserve better and she deserves someone basically asexual as she is. It was the best decision I ever made. I’ve found someone who appreciates my care and attention to her and makes me wonder on some days, if I can keep up with her!!! A great problem to have, lol.

      Be kind, be patient, be nice…but don’t let it go on forever because you can do better.

  7. The bottom line is when you have it you don’t want it and when you don’t have it you want it . There are so many reasons we struggle in this department , different for everyone. From hormone imbalances to medications from boredom to excessive work. For most women it’s very difficult to switch hats from a mom , ,house wife and/or whatever your career is to a sexual character. I love my husband and we have a great relationship. Once a week is plenty for me but he would like it everyday. However I’m greatful he wants me.

    • I get hormone imbalances etc. But if you drive is low and you dont care to do anything about that and using lubes of any variety is said to cause poblems then what is a man to do??

  8. The missing piece to this article is why women want sex and how it helps them feel, which is usually completely different from men. Every day is excessive and rediculous. I then saw it was written by a man….

  9. Seriously? This is so one sided. When you’re husband can not go two minutes without bringing up sex in some way, as if his brain is incapable of mentioning any other topic, is excessive and tiring. It makes us more want to have sex. Let us get there in our own sometimes. We need to feel into it, nor pressured into it. I listen to my husband who works from home on his business calls and he’s so professional for hours, but as soon as he’s off the clock he talks about nothing but sex. We can’t watch TV without him personalizing any and all scenes into our lives as sex scenes. I can’t watch movies without at least 20 crack comments. It does not make me want him more. It does not make me want to get closer to him. Seriously, where’s the cuddle time without having to worry about being groped? And it IS about wanting to get off more often than it is about him wanting to connect. He’ll take pity sex just to feel good. He completely ignores what makes me feel good. I’m so tired of constantly trying to get him to understand that I just don’t feel good as often as he thinks he needs to get off (chronic pain), that I’m going insane. I have a great husband who loves me, and I love him, but can’t we just talk sometimes, without having to mane a sexual comment every two minutes? A man wrote this, I knew that by reason number two.

    • Hi BS,
      Allow me to call BS here, too. As I read your comment you are putting your sexual desire in your husband’s hands. When you say “he needs to (x,y,z) to get me in the mood” or “he needs to stop doing (x,y,z) so I can get in the mood” it shows you’re relying on him to be in charge of your own desire. Take your desire into your own hands. You’ll always feel like you’re being pressured as long as you keep expecting him to somehow make you in the mood. He probably senses this expectation, which is why he keeps making (bad) advances. He gets lucky some of the time. And just like a slot machine, the more he plays the more likely he is to win once in a while.

    • I agree completely. My husband expects me to just put out the second he wants it. No foreplay. Nothing. He grabs my crotch or a breast, and that’s the signal. This could happen anytime, like if I just come home from work after a long shift. The minute I come through the door I get groped. Gosh forbid I want to use the bathroom or eat something first. If I don’t drop everything and do it right then, he calls me “selfish,” “a prude,” or a “stuck up bitch.” Gee, that really gets me in the mood–not! I have tried telling him I need to sit down and relax a bit to get in the mood. I tell him I need some cuddling, some caresses, and some nice words. No, it’s just right to the main act or I get screamed at. I feel like he just needs my body to masturbate with. Yes, I am contemplating divorce. This isn’t love.

      • Yeah, a lot of spouses feel like they’re just a warm body to have sex with and the result of that is that often there’s no love associated with sex. Sex is just for the sake of sex in that case. But don’t let his desire for sex get in the way of YOU having a great sex life. Do what you gotta do to get in the mood. Then make an advance on him when you’re feeling sexy. It sounds like you’d have a willing partner available if you made an advance. Get out of his head and get into your own. In other words, stop worrying about when and why he wants it and think about when and why YOU want it. A little change can make a big difference.

  10. I am so tired of my husband always asking me for sex. We do it once in a week during weekends cos my three kids take up so much time.That is fine but my issue is that if I am tired or sleepy he gets upset. I am always having a long day, I want to satisfy him but it’s hard on me. He doesn’t care if I am tired or sleepy, he just want it now. If not he gets angry, cancel appointments and so on. I feel there is no emotional attachment. I just feel he just want to keep having sex even if I am not in the mood. I feel he doesn’t care too much about my feelings.

  11. This is why I regret marriage. Thank you so much.
    As a woman I never understood man can’t be reasoned when he really wanted to have sex. My husband traumatized me.
    Yeah, understand him?
    What about me who constantly feeling like wanted to kill myself every night because sex that is supposed to be act of love is now become obligation. Every time I told anyone that I can’t take it anymore, I need help, they told me to suck it up. That’s how men are. Their husband also all the same so if I don’t want him cheating I need to satisfying him always. I’d rather he is cheating than being abused all night.
    My heart is gone cold the time he won’t listen to me that I’m sick and I can’t do it. And when he started telling emergency lies at night just to wake me up and fulfill his need. I feel like a rag, only a hole for his dump. My body is cold, I’m sick, my face is pale, I wanted to die but all is that doesn’t matter because his desire to “connect” with me is more important than that.
    Men need to be understood? Don’t get me laugh. Men should need to listen and see better first before only thinking about their desire and excusing it as the act of love.

  12. There is so much anger on this thread… The common thread that all you ladies have for not connecting with your man is that you deeply despise him. He may be flawed in some ways, and you are using that as a grudge to keep him from you. I promise if you let go of the grudges, you would have a much happier time having sex. (short of the girl who literally gets banged so much you go to the hospital, that is dangerous and quite scary… He needs to back off a bit and let you heal… perhaps try a handjob in the meantime.)
    Seriously though, if you hate him that much, both of you would be much happier with other people… at least until you find something to detest about your next lover…

        • First of all , its literally having something attached that wakes you up everyday and pesters you every hour. You try to find one person to connect with physically sure, but also emotionally. And somebody tells you to start touching yourself which usually means you start looking at other girl’s images and now I get to mentally have sex with other women with or without my girlfriend and I get to feel like a total loser, it’s great. I sneak around (wait for her to leave) and masturbate. We slowly drift apart and one day she gets “in the mood” to have sex everyday again! except its with some other guy. Or maybe I can find some girl that wants me every again, and on and on and on… Be glad someone finds you attractive.

  13. It doesn’t surprise me that this was written by a man. The tone here borders on ‘why not just lay back and enjoy it instead of complaining’. The 5 reasons why men want to have sex does nothing to discuss why women want to have sex and the VERY different reasons. Women LIKE to have sex when they feel appreciated, romanced, and loved. All of that happens OUTSIDE the bedroom. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out men are horny and want sex and bridging these two dynamics is work. These kinds of posts embolden men to think there need for sex trumps any connection they need to work for. It’s irresponsible to write a one sided post about why men want sex and not a complete and balanced picture. I’ve had sex with roommates and it didn’t make us partners. I’ve had sex with boyfriends who’ve helped me change a tire. That didn’t make us partners either. Sex is sex until communication and trust are formed. And given some of the comments here, you’ve proved that many men feel entitled to sex just because a warm body is within reach. ZERO of your ‘5’ points discusses anything close to trust, commitment, and communication. Unless viewed from your one-sided male perspective. You sir, are an idiot.

    • You’re right. It does nothing to discuss why women want to have sex. It makes sense since that’s not the topic of this article. The title is 5 reasons men want to have sex so that’s what the topic is about. I suggest looking for a different article if you’re looking for something addressing reasons women want sex. Have a browse around, I’m confident you’ll find something.

      • I also don’t talk about how to cook hot dogs or how to make the perfect exterior illumination on your house in this article since that’s not what the article is about, either. I suggest you look for other articles if you’re looking for those topics as well.

        • I once googled “how to cook a perfect steak”. I found an article from a professional chef that described perfectly how to cook it. I never once thought that it didn’t explain how to pair the perfect wine with a steak so it must of been from an idiot that didn’t understand what I was really looking for. Somehow this disconnect just explains how relationships have problems. So as a man let me give you my example of sex in a marriage. I want sex at least once a week or even up to 3 times a week. I could be happy even if we had no sex. I just need her to make me feel needed/wanted. So here is what I experienced. After about 17 years of marriage, I had her reject my advances 3 times in a roll over about 2 weeks which hurt my feelings. So I decided to not make another advance until she did. Well we went for 2 years without any sex. We had a rough 2+ years. Once we made up we had more sex in 24 hours then ever before and she experienced things she claimed never happened before. Now about 4 years later, things are back to 2-3 times a month or less. I realized from the conversations about our past that she needed to feel wanted/needed also. I feel that as her lover that it is my duty (not the right word) to make her feel loved/needed. But somehow even though I have told her I could do without sex that I just need her, she makes me feel that I burden her with my desire for intimacy. I just don’t think this issue can be resolved between the sexes. If you read the responses from the females on this article, you kind of get the idea that they think it is the fault of the man that they don’t understand the needs of a woman and that it is the responsibility of the man to figure it out. Men can be controlled so easily by a woman that I just don’t understand how woman haven’t figured out this weakness. Well many have, just not the ones commenting on your article.

  14. interesting read, i have learnt from this…okay so let me ask a question. when i first got married i really wanted to be intimate with my husband. I pulled out all the stops and often times he wasn’t in the mood and when he was in the mood it would last all but one minute. I would make advances for a second round but to no avail After almost a year and a half of trying to get him to see a specialist for the premature ejaculation he finally admitted that it was a problem. And frankly speaking i basically logged off mentally about sex. He has since come around to it but i don’t know how to get back that strong desire and with a lot of arguments, ttc etc its still a major issue-plus when we do have sex now it still doesn’t last, it has never lasted up to 15mins but he now blames this on the infrequency and that i am now only interested when i’m about ovulating. I have never had an orgasm in my 5 years of marriage. i came on here looking for answers or to get to the root cause of my not desiring my husband. Just clueless at this point.

    • hmmm, sounds tricky. To offer a comparison, the average sexual encounter lasts about 19 minutes that includes foreplay and penetrative intercourse. The actual penetrative intercourse usually lasts between 4-7 minutes. Your husband may be on the low side of the curve but that shouldn’t keep you from having a connecting sexual experience. If connection is your desired outcome do you need to orgasm? If orgasm is your desired outcome there are lots of ways to achieve that with your partner even without penetration. Talk openly about things to try and remember that you’re both trying to give each other a roadmap of how to connect with you sexually. Don’t hold back no matter how resentful or turned off you may be now.

  15. im so tired now as Im writing this. Im at work I can hardly keep my eyes open. we had 5 rounds last night. every time we do he says it is the last one. Iv spoke to him about how I feel..it doesn’t look like it is going anywhere. he wantgs se even after a big argument…whether he is happy or not , it makes no difference. Im tired. we are in a very serious relationship…we are getting married next year. he has indicated that he would like me to stop working and he would take care of everything. even with stopping to work, I would need to care for at least 4 kids, 11, 10, 9 and 8. my 2 boys and his 2 girls. Im concerned if my sex life will be a happy one. he demands sex and he doesn’t show any remorse when I tell him im exhausted. every round lasts for almost an hour with him inside me. He still expects me to respond to his gestures no matter how tired I am.

  16. I agree with the article except for the sex is fun part. Nope, not in my case. I hate sex. It is uncomfortable and messy and I don’t feel a thing. I feel bad for my husband because he still wants to do it all the time but I could die and nevery do it again. I actually would prefer a sex less marriage. I really don’t get anything out of it. Even on our wedding night, I was very disappointed. I was a virgin and no one really told me anything about what to expect. All I experienced was pain. I’m boggled when I hear people say it’s fun and it feels so good. Must be something wrong with me. We are both attractive people and people would probably look at me and think I like sex because of how I look. But it’s very deceiving. I do feel very insecure because he had sexual relations with multiple girls before we got married that he omitted telling me. So, in my mind, I think that he wishes it was with them because they actually liked it.

    • Hi Orangies,
      Why do you have sex with your husband if you don’t like it? I understand it’s a normal part of marriage but if you don’t like it then why do it? It’s like eating a food you don’t like. That said, part of marriage is to have a sexual relationship so what are the rules for your husband to have sex if you don’t want to? It’s not fair for you to be pushed into something you don’t like (i.e. having sex) but it’s also not fair for your husband to be pushed into something he doesn’t like (i.e. NOT have sex). Talk it out and come up with a solution that seems fair for both of you.

  17. My wife NEVER wants sex. NEVER! We were married four years ago and from the first night she has disliked sex. She might as well have her teethe drilled by a dentist than have sex. I always have to fight to get two minutes with her. As soon as I have an orgasm, she leaves the bed as fast as if it were on fire. Sometimes I have to hide my orgasm, or she may leave before it is over.

    We just finished seeing a marriage counselor who failed. Every thing that he tried was rejected by her. She would agree to it at the session and then refuse to do what he had us doing. Now it has been ten days since the last two minute session and I do not see another time. I may never be allowed to have sex with my wife again.

    We are Christian and the Bible says that we must not reject or deprive each other. (1 Corinthians 7:2-5). This is one place where she sins over and over again. This is called chastity in marriage.

    I have grounds to divorce, but I love her and will not do that. I hate to face the rest of my life as a celibate husband.

  18. Ladies, why get married if you don’t love your husband enough to sleep with him?

    Make Love to him, give him blow jobs, kiss and massage him.

    Sex is one simple way to show him you love him.

  19. Good Lord. The reason women don’t want to have sex is that they’re not turned on. Dudes need to get to know how to get their wives’ juices flowing or they’re destined to stay thirsty. It’s that simple. If you can’t figure it out, you’re married to the wrong woman. Let her go.

  20. I agree with most of the 5 points, and although I’m a man o fail to understand Anna’s situation to be normal. We have sex in our marriages but marriage is not a licence to get unlimited free sex. And who has the time and energy to do it 5 times a day on a continuous basis. I feel that it is just not normal and things cannot go on like this. Having said this, I also feel that he might not be gettingnwjat he is looking for that’s why maybe he keeps coming back. For once try to participate with full vigour and enthusiasm for a couple of days. Maybe it’s not his sexual desire but his determination to spark the love for sex in you thay makes him do it again and again. Fake a few orgasms to satisfy his self esteem. I feel that it would definitely work.

  21. After reading through these comments and the article… It’s clear that there isn’t any foreplay before having sex. Of course you’re not going to be into it! My husband and I always have foreplay before anything… and it definitely helps to set the mood. My husband wants sex everyday, but there are other ways to satisfy him other than sex. Blow jobs, hand jobs.. etc. You ladies out there have to put out a little effort! It also sounds as if some of you have never had an orgasm. Once you have a real orgasm then you’ll want sex all of the time. No wonder marriages don’t work anymore. Invest in some sexy lingerie, or some fun sex toys. Make in interesting! My husband and I have a kamasutra book that has different positions to try and it makes it fun.

    • thanks for the input satisfied, You bring up a good point that a lot of women unfortunately don’t realize. That sex is for THEM, too. A lot of women who have arousal difficulties see sex as something for their husband. When that happens, it’s going to become a chore. And when sex becomes a chore there’s no connection or excitement that can come out of it. When a woman learns to make sex desirable for herself (by doing things like what you’re saying here: dressing up, trying different positions, etc.) then they usually see their sex life (And their relationship) get much better .

  22. I found this article after a long therapy session, I was beginning to feel like there was something wrong with me due to the fact I’m always horny forever masterbating but can’t see to find sex. I’ve been single for 3 years now after being cheated on multiple times in relationships where I provided and treated my grilfriends with respect and dates and all the good stuff all way patiently waiting or even not even considering sex … all to get cheat on and then left …. my question is, is it wrong to be tired of relationship and to only feel the need for some attention and sex …. and if so what would you do in my situation?

  23. So, I just had a baby two months ago. I am not a sex driven person at all. My honey wants it everyday and I literally can’t. First of all I don’t have the drive. (I think I can speak for most women when I say we don’t want something that we know we can have 24/7.) I also get sore easily. I don’t feel attractive and he doesn’t make help my self esteem ever. The ONLY time we are happy together doing anything is when we have sex. (Well him at least) other than that he is out with his buddies. While I’m at home with baby. I was just diagnosed with cerviacl cancer and he’s pissed because I won’t sleep with him. It’s only been a week. I’m tired of being the ONLY one that gives 24/7. I find myself wondering constantly is it all worth even being with him at all or should I try to find someone more passionate and considerate. What the heck do I do??

    • It sounds like he is a jerk and you should leave him while your young. It will only get worse with him. He sounds very selfish. your not going to win this one.

  24. My husband cheated on me a couple of years ago and has since said that he wants a life with me I don’t think he quit seeing her, I want a life with him but I can’t stop thinking of what he has done , we have been married over 40 years is there still hope for us?

    • If he’s willing to be transparent then yes. Otherwise, I’ve found that trust is difficult to rebuild and may will usually always be a question in the back of your mind.

      • There could also be a question of how far that transparency is. Only he (the cheated husband) knows.

        A friend had involved with someone’s husband. When their secret was exposed, the guy obviously went through a family crisis, wife was mad and kicked him out from the house, he was trying to repair his marriage as he realised he was actually ‘in love’ with his wife. Thus, he cut all contacts with his lover. The wife and the lover both devastated. Few days later when his wife went on an overseas trip for some cool concert, he contacted back his lover and spent a splendid night together. Out of curiosity, the lover sneaked into his mobile phone when he was in the bathroom, seen the text exchanges between him and his wife, and was shocked seeing dozens of lies that he’d crafted in his attempt to save his marriage. Wife seemed to be accepting and rebuilding her trust to her husband, but didn’t know that the guy was actually just spent a night again with his lover. Guess what he needed was a great companionship and also a sexy romantic treat that he longed for, and received those from his lover. Both husband & wife are in their late 50’s. Lover is 40. Any take ?

        • In my experience, transparency isn’t a one-time disclosure and then it’s done. Transparency is a process and is often the end result of therapy. Here’s why: Affairs are cultivated in secrecy. IF it wasn’t for secrecy an affair could never take place. But usually, secrecy (in some form or another) has been going on in the relationships A LONG time before an affair ever happens. For example, a couple may never talk about the tension they feel surrounding their in-laws. Or they may never talk about the difficulties in the bedroom. Because they don’t talk about it, it allows other things to go un-talked about – including when feelings come up for another person. So demanding transparency all at once when an affair is first discovered is never going to happen. That’s what therapy is for. The couple gets to work together to disclose parts of the affair and the relationship to each other that are important to recovery. That’s my take anyway.

  25. Hi, I want to thank you for a great article! I came across your article, after looking for answers of why my husband always wants sex, after having another argument of many, of the same issue and comprehended many things. I comprehended that I’m the issue. That when I put aside all the excuses of not wanting to be with him, we have a better sex than the one before. Before him, I never had an orgasm. With him I’ve had 1-4. At least once everytime. But, that’s not the issue. Our issue is when he wants to be with me, I put excuses for not wanting to be with him, such as “I’m too tired. I had a long day. I just fell asleep two hours ago. The kids. The dog. The house. My business, etc…”. He works nights, about ten hours a day, sometimes more when he works overtime. He has three days off, and those days are our days and he wants to be with me, but instead of me complying, I end up rejecting him because I feel “pressured”. When I actually should feel lucky and privilaged that he wants me and not someone else. Thank you so much for this article!

    • Well I hope you meant that you never experienced climax with previous sexual encounters only. Mostly all women experience regular orgasms since childhood through masturbation. But if you’ve never even had one at all, I just don’t know what to say. That is unheard of. Rare.

  26. Reading the comments, seems like a major commonality is that wives are too tired at the end of the day to pay the attention to the one person they swore to uphold as their best friend, lover and number one concern. For you women who are wondering why your husbands ‘want it’ all the time, it’s simple. He was into you enough to be bound by marriage to you, so he rightfully expects that doesn’t change because you choose a career or do not know how to schedule your day so that your kids are away or in bed so you and your spouse can reconnect, Marriage isn’t some damn magic trick, it takes real work, including ‘sacrifice’ (check your vows).
    Also, your man ‘gropes’ you because you do not initiate, it’s that simple. Once a husband gets so far down the dry road, he will do nearly anything, and I mean anything to snap you out of it.
    All this bull about hormones and feeling fat, etc, it’s a lame excuse. If your spouse wasn’t into you, he would and eventually will find someone to connect with and yes ladies, that means they will eventually find themselves in a romantic situation.
    It’s your marriage, if you don’t care to invest in it, then file for divorce, it will save you both a lot of grief down the road, hopefully before children are involved. American ‘liberated’ society has programmed you and you have all testified that it’s not working. Must really be something to a ‘good ole fashioned’ marriage where a spouse provides and a spouse handles the household.
    If you re ‘tired’ all the time, start adjusting your schedule, your not a slave to your kids or your employer but you did take an oath to prioritize your spouse. Are people so damaged these days that they really believe that a man and a woman can simply co-habitat in a marriage for simple financial reasons? Ya, hows that working out.
    I can assure you, after nearly 25 years of marriage, it never stops, the work required to have sex, make money, have children, raise children, pay bills, take care of family, have all the answers, be up all night when someone is sick, no, it never stops, life is a one way ticket, time only moves forward.
    The first sign you need to start working on ‘you’ is when it’s always ‘someone’ else’s fault or problem.
    If you are too tired after work, cut your hours, find another job or quit. You two will be happier driving the less expensive cars than paying attorneys to split your belongings. Too tired from keeping your kids? First, it’s temporary, no human baby stays an infant forever. Secondly, no matter how many kids you have, use the technology you used to log on to this website and cry to log your schedule. Then, change it so that you MAKE time for your spouse. If not, start the divorce paper work now, why would you do that to someone you claimed you loved enough to marry??
    If your husband is ‘sexing’ you in a way that’s uncomfortable or painful, see a damn gyno, I tire of hearing how many ‘chick-issues’ everyone has as an excuse. See a damn doctor, stop using it as an excuse. If you tell you gyno what’s up, he or she will offer some alternatives or you may find you need further evaluation. Painful sex on a regular basis is not normal, people, that’s just what we used to call, common-sense. When your stomach aches for days when you eat 3 times a day, normal food, do you not go see a doctor or do you just wait year after year, month after month for it to just go away? Perhaps you would just stop eating? Duh. If you check out at the doc, talk to your spouse and try switching some things around, it’s just not that complicated. Stomach full of air in doggy? Use pillows! That didn’t help? Flip over! I assure you are both happier having mutually beneficial sex than none because you won’t investigate the issue or discuss it.
    This rape bs, is just that. If you really feel that way, please ask your spouse to stop and if they do not, call 911. Also, begin divorce paperwork, but not for the same reasons above. For the rest, stop crying wolf because your mean old spouse whom you vowed to ‘have and to hold’ expects you to ‘put out’.
    Ladies, your going to have to take control, either by investigating clinical reasons for your excuses, committing to and keeping life style changes or bail the hell out. Men are not sperm donors, any more than women believe they are simply warm wombs. Men do not simply get married, have a kid and then their junk rots off, it doesn’t work that way. The desire to reproduce is life long, just like blinking or breathing. If you never had, lost or don’t want that desire any longer, you need help.
    Yes, men and women can fall victim to sex addiction, but that is a clinical diagnosis that needs to be made by a clinician, not by you simple because webmd or you ‘friend-who-never-has-sex-and-is-happy’ says so. Btw, that friends spouse is getting something from somewhere, that’s a fact.
    As the man statesman it’s an article about 5 reasons men want to have sex. Personally, most of the crying here is frequency related, check into why that is and over time, the frequency may find a cadence that fits both of you. And yes ladies, sometimes men just get horny, sorry. Sometimes people just get a cold or start hiccups or want chicken wings, that’s just how it is and you expect your spouse to come to you first for sex, right?
    Come on go;Les, it’s just not hat complicated, take a good hard, long, honest look into the mirror.

    • You do realize men and women are different BIOLOGICALLY? Men dont endure 9 months of pregnancy, painful delivery of another human being,monthly periods, discharge, UTI,yeast infections, bacterial vaginosis, menopause…etc! in other words women experience way more on a regular basis in our wombs then men ever will in their penis. So your only speaking from a man’s perspective. Women give you their real perspective and you shut them down and tell them to suck it up. When blood drips from your penis every month accompanied by body numbing cramps then you can tell us how to feel about sex and what we must do!

  27. I am 48 and my husband 52. We went through a period, or I did of not being interested in sex. I spoke to my Mum about it and she had no sympathy for me. She just said If you ever find your husband looks for sex somewhere else then dont act like a victim. You got married you sort of our expected to have sex. She just said”men like sex, so you better find away to enjoy it.” Short and to the point. I was looking for sympathy but did not get it! I said what do i do? I think I was expecting some technical advice if you know what I mean. She said “Initiate and surprise him” She would not say anything else. Just said marriage is very simple. Feed him and fuck him!” You will have a happy marriage because men make marriage simple. First and last time i have ever heard her say that word. It was not the advice I wanted I am afraid to say. In fact i left it for 6 months and then thought about what I could do. I did surprise him and many of the things I started to do also began to get my libido back. That was 30 years ago and we have never looked back! I would be insensitive if i did not realize that my solution maybe not your solution.

    • Your mum’s advice may be a bit oversimplified but there’s a nugget in there that’s pretty good. Specifically when she said to find a way to enjoy it. Sex is enjoyable. It might take some time and work to get to know yourself and your body enough to finally be able to enjoy it but when you do, it’s good. And you’ll find your libido increases when you do. Maybe she could have been a bit more empathetic about it but it sounds like it did the trick! Glad you’re enjoying it more!

  28. Where exactly is the author getting this information from? Or is he simply writing what he thinks is true regarding how women think about why men want to have sex. I am absolutely sure that women know it’s the same reasons they want to, and vice versa. Crazy writer.

  29. This entire thread reeks of the blurred lines of sexual coercion.

    Just because you are married does not entitle you to your partners body!

    It’s important to want to meet each other’s needs, but has no man actually stepped back and analyzed WHY his wife doesn’t want to have sex anymore?

    Some husbands feel they’re entitled to another person’s body after an “I do”, but what are they doing to assist with their wife’s arousal, or connecting with their wife in a way she feels loved and cherished?

    No, doing the laundry, taking care of your kids and cooking once in a while does not count — that’s like bragging about being law abiding. It’s pathetic.

    Sex is a two person act. If she’s not feeling the love, work together and address the issue instead of demanding she give you her body anyway or else — that is sexual coercion and is a form of control and manipulation

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