Category Archives: He Said/She Said

He Said/She Said: How to Answer Questions About Being Single During the Holidays

He Said/She Said: How to Answer Questions About Being Single During the Holidays

Dear Aaron & Rachel,

I’m single for the holidays and I don’t look forward to it. It’s been my choice to be single for a little over a year now so I’m used to being single and I’m actually pretty comfortable with it. But the holidays are always a little more difficult. People ask innocent questions like if I’m bringing a +1 and how many seats they need to make for reservations for, etc. I know they’re innocent questions but it’s still a little awkward when I have to tell people my relationship status. And then there are the judgmental questions I get like “oh, weren’t you single last year, too?” and “She’s used to it. She didn’t bring anyone to the last company party, either”. Any advice for folks like me who are comfortably single on how to handle these kinds of questions and comments?

She Said

Thanks for writing in with such a great question. A LOT of singles feel the way that you do. There are even memes out there on Instagram to prove it! I am glad to know that you don’t actually feel bad about being single. The more comfortable you are with your relationship status the more comfortable other people will be with it. Still, I realize that some may say things that sound very judgmental, and that can be hard. Don’t take it personally. It says more about them than you.

Just respond in whatever way feels most natural to you. Don’t feel like you have to defend yourself or worry if it sounds like you are responding in a defensive way. There is nothing wrong with you and nothing to be ashamed about. Don’t compare yourself to others who are in a relationship. Remember, being in a relationship doesn’t equal happiness and being single doesn’t mean misery. Focus on your own happiness, and you won’t be single for long!

He Said

Yeah, even when you’re comfortably single the Holidays can still sting a little bit – especially when you’re seeing everybody snuggling and getting cozy with their partners at holiday parties, movies, etc. Good for you for being comfortable with being single. That’s the first step. And it shows that you’ve done the work within yourself to create a solid self-identity outside of your relationship status. If you’re still feeling a sting it shows that you have a little more work to do getting comfortable with it. For example, maybe it shows you still care a little too much about what others think. Maybe it shows that you’re still not entirely comfortable with being single. Maybe it shows that, even though you’re comfortably single, you’d still like to be attached. Maybe there’s something unique about the holidays. The possibilities are endless.

Do some soul searching and ask yourself why it’s suddenly a bother for you. It has to be coming from somewhere. And remember it doesn’t mean that the part it’s coming from is broken. Feel free to own that you want to be in a relationship during the holidays (if that’s what you find out it boils down to) and that’s okay. That doesn’t mean you have to fix it or that you have to get into a relationship. There’s a power in getting to know yourself better and you don’t always have to fix what you find out about you.

About Rachel: Rachel Russo is a Dating, Relationship, & Image Coach who works with marriage-minded singles and couples in NYC and throughout the US. Checkout her website at RachelRusso.com

About Aaron: Aaron Anderson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Director of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, Colorado and writer for various websites about marriage and relationships

He Said/She Said: Holiday Family Drama

He Said/She Said: Holiday Family Drama

Dear Aaron & Rachel My family lives in one town and my husband’s family lives in another so we usually split the holidays by going to one families’ side for Thanksgiving and the others’ side for Christmas. We’ve done this for about 4 years ever since we were dating. But something happened a couple months… Continue Reading

He Said/She Said: He Cheated So How do I Trust Him Again?

He Said/She Said: He Cheated So How do I Trust Him Again?

Dear Aaron and Rachel, He Cheated and I just can’t trust him anymore. It’s not that I don’t WANT to trust him because believe me, I really do. I just CAN’T trust him. Literally, can’t. I go to sleep at night just thinking of all the things he told me today and I try to… Continue Reading

He Said/She Said: Is it My Fault My Husband Doesn’t Want Sex?

He Said/She Said: Is it My Fault My Husband Doesn’t Want Sex?

Dear Aaron & Rachel, This is a little embarrassing to say but I feel like my husband is uninterested in me sexually. We’ve been married for almost ten years and have two kids together. Our sex life has always been pretty good until about a year ago. There wasn’t anything big that happened, it has… Continue Reading

He Said/She Said: Great Valentine’s Day Ideas

He Said/She Said: Great Valentine’s Day Ideas

Dear Aaron & Rachel As if Valentine’s Day isn’t hard enough, it’s on a Tuesday this year! Any ideas of what a person can do for Valentine’s Day? I’d love to guy a guy and gal’s opinion on what to do. Sincerely, Lost on Valentine’s Day She Said Ah, Valentine’s Day. As a matchmaker &… Continue Reading

He Said/She Said: Shouldn’t I know EVERYTHING about the affair?

He Said/She Said: Shouldn’t I know EVERYTHING about the affair?

Dear Aaron and Rachel, I caught my husband having an affair about 3 weeks ago. After some thought, we’ve decided to try to work through things. But he’s not being completely honest about everything. I told him that if we’re going to make it work he needs to be 100% honest about what they did,… Continue Reading

He Said/She Sad: Is it Okay to Post Your Dates on Facebook?

He Said/She Sad: Is it Okay to Post Your Dates on Facebook?

Dear Aaron and Rachel, My wife and I have been together for about 3 years now and we get along pretty well, except that we’re always quibbling about stuff she posts online. I mean, it’s not so bad. But it seems like anything we do she has to post it on Facebook, Instagram, or Tweet about… Continue Reading

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