Category Archives: couples

My Relationship Is Just Okay..

My Relationship Is Just Okay..

The funny thing about your relationship being “just okay” is that I likely will not see you in my office. On the therapy spectrum, some couples are nearing divorce/separation. Some couples need a “tune up” for a part of their relationship. And then there is a period during therapy where couples are progressing from dissatisfied to satisfied. The problem with your “okay” relationship is that you likely feel that your relationship troubles do not need therapy. You may also comparatively say that there are many other couples in worse situations. If you’ve come to the point where you feel like your relationship is just okay but you want more out of your relationship, keep reading and make your relationship exciting again!

You’ve Settled

Since your relationship is “just okay” – you’ve settled. Over time, from the friendship/dating period until now, you’ve compromised and settled on several occasions. Maybe you wanted to do something interesting or fun but your partner wanted something else and you accepted. Sometimes you’re excited about something but you do not feel it’s worth mentioning. You go with the flow of what they want and sometimes it’s good but other times you’re dissatisfied.

Related: Help! Our Relationship Is Boring!

Instead of settling, I have a 7-day challenge for you. Every time that something pops into your head that you think may be enjoyable, mention it to your partner. This may take a while to get used to since you’ve gotten in the habit of just letting things happen. But now is the time to take your relationship back! Carve a new habit in your life and say what you want to do. After the 7 days, decide if it is worth it to keep speaking your mind or if life was better when you were staying quiet.

Plan

Your “okay” relationship is no coincidence. It is likely a lack of planning that has led you to nowhere.

Think about being in a sailboat with no plan of where to go. Your sail will catch the wind but you could end up in a place that you do not want to be. Instead, jump into the boat (your relationship) with a plan and adjust your sails! Decide where you want to go, what you want to do, who will be there, and when it will happen. A big complaint that I hear is that one partner does not come up with ideas of what to do. Don’t be that partner. Contribute your ideas in your plan – they are worth mentioning!

Be Grateful

The last piece of the puzzle – appreciate what you have in your life and in your relationship. All of your effort towards change will not matter unless you appreciate what you have in your relationship. There are so many things to be grateful for. Even the simple things like having a spouse, owning a TV to watch Netflix, or driving together in a running car. Being grateful is an amazing everyday practice. Check out this article for more benefits of being grateful. You want more out of your relationship and the changes are worth chasing! Also, while you are chasing a better relationship, it is worth it to be grateful along the way (as well as when you get to your new and improved relationship). When you are appreciative of the positives in your relationship, very little is “just okay.”

About the Author

 

Chris Cummins is a couples specialist with The Marriage and Family Clinic. He focuses on working with substance abuse and couples in high conflict. Chris enjoys hiking, traveling, and spending time with his family.

3 Expectations That Will Ruin Your Marriage

3 Expectations That Will Ruin Your Marriage

Having expectations of yourself and your spouse is a healthy part of any good marriage. Clearly defined and reasonable expectations allow for a better understanding of one another and they provide invaluable information about how to satisfy your spouse. With that said, I caution you to take heed of the words, “reasonable expectations”. All too… Continue Reading

Is Make-up Sex a Real Thing?

Is Make-up Sex a Real Thing?

Make-up sex. You want it to be a real thing. You may have even experienced it and believe it to be a real thing. But is it really better than any other sex? Science says, YES! Research found that the arousal state achieved during an argument can be transferred to sexual interactions, leading to a better… Continue Reading

7 Mother’s Day gifts that will improve your relationship

7 Mother’s Day gifts that will improve your relationship

Mother’s Day is around the corner and we all have someone special in our lives we want to celebrate. Whether you and your partner have human children, furry babies or a turtle your partner plays the role of mommy to them and you appreciate her for that. The stores are full of special offers and… Continue Reading

Communicating is Hard: 4  Tips to Make it Easier

Communicating is Hard: 4 Tips to Make it Easier

Communication. You do it everyday with countless people. So why is it when it comes to communicating with the person that is closest to you – something inevitably goes wrong? As a marriage and family therapist I have met with many couples and the number one complaint I hear from them is…poor communication. Poor communication… Continue Reading

I’m in a one sided marriage….what do I do?

I’m in a one sided marriage….what do I do?

Marriages start with a lot of expectations, dreams and plans. We usually fall in love with the person that makes us laugh, holds our hand through tough times and share our vision for the future. But things change with time, as they should –  and it is not always a good change. All of the… Continue Reading

Should I Stay or Should I Go?: 3 Questions to Ask Before Ending your Marriage

Should I Stay or Should I Go?: 3 Questions to Ask Before Ending your Marriage

You got married thinking…no…knowing that this is it! There was no better person for you in this world. The love that you felt the day you said “I do” was going to last forever. And now, that love seems like such a distant memory. You find yourself wondering if it was ever real or was it a figment… Continue Reading

My Partner Just Doesn’t Get Me!

My Partner Just Doesn’t Get Me!

So your partner just doesn’t get you. Or maybe…you don’t get your partner. Maybe…just maybe you’re spending so much time trying to get your belief, point, hurt, etc. across you aren’t hearing a darn thing coming out of your partners mouth. Wow…those are some tough points! The points above are to provoke you from pointing… Continue Reading

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