5 Reasons Your Husband Always Wants Sex

Sexual difficulties are among the most common difficulties in marriages. And if there’s one complaint that I get a lot from wives it’s that  “My husband always wants sex!”. Now, most women will agree that having sex with their husband isn’t a bad thing. But their complaint isn’t usually just about the fact that their husband wants sex. And it’s not even so much that he wants it all the time, either. Most women’s complaints are actually about the fact that they need to be ready to have sex at any time or else their husband will get mad and it will start a fight. So a sexual advance from their husband comes with an ultimatum of “do it or else we’ll fight”.

Underneath it all, though, is usually a big misunderstanding. Husbands really aren’t trying to give you an ultimatum to ‘have sex or else’. And they’re also not trying to just to use you for their own sexual pleasure, either. There are usually a lot of other reasons that they want to have sex with you. And these reasons are usually a lot more kind and sincere than the ones that first come to your head. Here are five:

Five Reasons Your Husband Wants Sex

1) He wants to Connect With You. A lot of times wives think that their husband just wants to have sex with them just so that he can get off. But the truth is, your husband wants to have sex with you in order to connect with you. Sex is a way for him to connect with you in a way that he doesn’t connect with anyone else, so it’s special to him. And you’re that special person that he wants to share that special connection with.

2)  It’s What Makes Us a Couple. The difference between being roommates and being married is the sex. Sex is a necessary part in a romantic relationship in order to have an intimate and passionate relationship. Without it, you’re just roommates. And nobody wants to be married to just a roommate. Neither does your husband. If you’re not having sex, you’re just being roommates and he doesn’t want that.

3) It’s Fun. Sex is a connecting experience. But it’s also fun. And not every sexual experience needs to be electrifying and connecting. Sometimes it can just be fun. So instead of watching a movie together or checking updates on Facebook, why not have sex? It’s a lot more fun than watching a movie or Facebook, and even fun sex still has some connection.

4) He Wants to Spend Time With You. Sure, you can spend time together cleaning the house, doing dishes, helping him change the oil in the car, etc. But you can spend time like that with anyone – even your neighbors. Because sex is something reserved for just the two of you, it makes that time together special. And it’s a LOT more special than just helping him change the oil or doing the dishes together.

5) He Likes to See You Naked. Unfortunately, we live in a day and age where women are very sexualized. It doesn’t take long after puberty before some jerk at school objectifies you by staring at your boobs in the school hallway. And you experience this throughout college and even when you’re married standing in the grocery line.  As a result, a lot of women are very self-conscious about their body. And when their husband looks at them sexually they can’t help but label him along with the all the other jerks who are objectifying them. But the fact is, your husband does like to look at your body. He should. You don’t want him to think you’re ugly after all. And it’s good for your husband to want you for you – body and all.

A lot of women fall into the trap of assuming the worst reasons why their husband would want to have sex with them. After all, you’re used to all the jerks objectifying you and using you for eye candy. But knowing these five reasons why your husband wants to have sex can help you have a deeper understanding and a deeper appreciation for what he really wants when he makes a sexual advance. And this understanding can help you to feel more connected AND have better sex – not just for him, but for you, too.

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29 Responses to 5 Reasons Your Husband Always Wants Sex

  1. Great post! Sex is just an important part of marriage. A woman should be excited that her husband still wants her just like he should be excited she wants him. Being turned on by one another is what makes a good marriage a better marriage. No one wants to walk around in sweatpants and not feel that part of themselves that makes them feel young. Go after her like you're 21 again and make her feel the crave!

  2. Sex is EXTREMELY important in any relationship. When sex goes, the relationship is going along with it. These are some very important points … sometimes women AND men need to just realize that it also starts with them. Keeping the passion alive keeps the relationship alive. Great post!!

    • Not when there is a problem with your husband having anger issues an not wanting to get help because he doesn’t believe he has a problem.

    • Sure it is, but when you have had a hysterectomy and have NO sex drive and he just wants you to be more horny, talk sexy, try something different, do it in the morning, flash your boobs DAILY! Flash him in the car whenever you go out… It gets annoying and tiring especially when you have chronic pain, work a full time job and have NO libido! He works from home, can nap when he wants to, have no desire to go out and get a job to make the money so I can go back on my hormones so I would have the libido again. So, what now? When I am too tired or hiring he gives me the silent treatment or pouts and then says, well he has the right to be frustrated, just let him.

  3. I understand what you’re trying to say. But sex 3-5 times a day for hours has made me sore. I even had to go to the dr and he took it as a big ego boost instead of she’s in pain and sore. I should calm it down a little bit. No this was even more of a reason to go at it like wild animals. I can’t and he doesn’t get it. When I say not now he gets mad and walks away this is unfair to me. And he won’t even let me rest during my period. He doesn’t care he still wants to have sex hours at a time. I’m literally beat up down there he has to be insane. It’s as if he’s tiring me out so I don’t go anywhere else. And I never would I’m not a cheater nor have I ever thought about it or done that to any man I’ve been with. The OBGYN said if he won’t stop I’ll have to talk to him. This is excessive. I’m texting my girlfriend who’s having problems with her boyfriend and he wants to pull my pants down throws me over a chair I’ve been dealing w a horrible cold n my nose starts running. And that’s also my fault. Having sex 40 hours a week is nuts n I’ve had enough but if I say no I have to watch him pout n act like he has nothing to say to me?? For Christ’s sake I’m gonna end up in the ER.

    • Hi.give him s bj when you are hurting.use durex play lubrication on him and yoy to lubricate and avoid pain caused by friction.unitialize sex to fees his feelings of being needed by you sexually.pretty soon he would feel and understand you do love his sexuality and that tells a man in his love language that you love him

    • If you do not want what is happening you need to voice that, I’m very concerned for you and what you’re describing sounds abusive

      • I agree, that’s abusive… It’s borderline rape and just because you’re married no still means no… It’s your body !!!

    • Im the same. Not as bad as you though. Sex 16 times in 10 days. I was in so much pain. I just dont even want to do it anymore. Too much is just too much

  4. Anna — any guy who has injured you by having excessive sex and still insists on it is sick, sadistic and evil. You should ditch him immediately, as he has no concern except for his own penis. BTW, it’s called RAPE if you do not want it.

  5. Anna, then let him pout! Your health is a lot more important than him pouting. Sex is supposed to be fun, exciting and passionate. It doesn’t sound like it’s meeting those requirements

  6. You wen at funny, you starve us men sexually then look at us funny for reacting naturally. If you don’t want, like or need sex you should stay single, I mean never date. Any man is going to expect regular, participatory sex. Especially if he is doing his part. My wife starves me for weeks at a time then acts jealous if my eye starts roaming. It’s like blaming a starving man for staring at the menu.

  7. The bottom line is when you have it you don’t want it and when you don’t have it you want it . There are so many reasons we struggle in this department , different for everyone. From hormone imbalances to medications from boredom to excessive work. For most women it’s very difficult to switch hats from a mom , ,house wife and/or whatever your career is to a sexual character. I love my husband and we have a great relationship. Once a week is plenty for me but he would like it everyday. However I’m greatful he wants me.

    • I get hormone imbalances etc. But if you drive is low and you dont care to do anything about that and using lubes of any variety is said to cause poblems then what is a man to do??

  8. The missing piece to this article is why women want sex and how it helps them feel, which is usually completely different from men. Every day is excessive and rediculous. I then saw it was written by a man….

  9. Seriously? This is so one sided. When you’re husband can not go two minutes without bringing up sex in some way, as if his brain is incapable of mentioning any other topic, is excessive and tiring. It makes us more want to have sex. Let us get there in our own sometimes. We need to feel into it, nor pressured into it. I listen to my husband who works from home on his business calls and he’s so professional for hours, but as soon as he’s off the clock he talks about nothing but sex. We can’t watch TV without him personalizing any and all scenes into our lives as sex scenes. I can’t watch movies without at least 20 crack comments. It does not make me want him more. It does not make me want to get closer to him. Seriously, where’s the cuddle time without having to worry about being groped? And it IS about wanting to get off more often than it is about him wanting to connect. He’ll take pity sex just to feel good. He completely ignores what makes me feel good. I’m so tired of constantly trying to get him to understand that I just don’t feel good as often as he thinks he needs to get off (chronic pain), that I’m going insane. I have a great husband who loves me, and I love him, but can’t we just talk sometimes, without having to mane a sexual comment every two minutes? A man wrote this, I knew that by reason number two.

    • Hi BS,
      Allow me to call BS here, too. As I read your comment you are putting your sexual desire in your husband’s hands. When you say “he needs to (x,y,z) to get me in the mood” or “he needs to stop doing (x,y,z) so I can get in the mood” it shows you’re relying on him to be in charge of your own desire. Take your desire into your own hands. You’ll always feel like you’re being pressured as long as you keep expecting him to somehow make you in the mood. He probably senses this expectation, which is why he keeps making (bad) advances. He gets lucky some of the time. And just like a slot machine, the more he plays the more likely he is to win once in a while.

  10. I am so tired of my husband always asking me for sex. We do it once in a week during weekends cos my three kids take up so much time.That is fine but my issue is that if I am tired or sleepy he gets upset. I am always having a long day, I want to satisfy him but it’s hard on me. He doesn’t care if I am tired or sleepy, he just want it now. If not he gets angry, cancel appointments and so on. I feel there is no emotional attachment. I just feel he just want to keep having sex even if I am not in the mood. I feel he doesn’t care too much about my feelings.

  11. This is why I regret marriage. Thank you so much.
    As a woman I never understood man can’t be reasoned when he really wanted to have sex. My husband traumatized me.
    Yeah, understand him?
    What about me who constantly feeling like wanted to kill myself every night because sex that is supposed to be act of love is now become obligation. Every time I told anyone that I can’t take it anymore, I need help, they told me to suck it up. That’s how men are. Their husband also all the same so if I don’t want him cheating I need to satisfying him always. I’d rather he is cheating than being abused all night.
    My heart is gone cold the time he won’t listen to me that I’m sick and I can’t do it. And when he started telling emergency lies at night just to wake me up and fulfill his need. I feel like a rag, only a hole for his dump. My body is cold, I’m sick, my face is pale, I wanted to die but all is that doesn’t matter because his desire to “connect” with me is more important than that.
    Men need to be understood? Don’t get me laugh. Men should need to listen and see better first before only thinking about their desire and excusing it as the act of love.

  12. There is so much anger on this thread… The common thread that all you ladies have for not connecting with your man is that you deeply despise him. He may be flawed in some ways, and you are using that as a grudge to keep him from you. I promise if you let go of the grudges, you would have a much happier time having sex. (short of the girl who literally gets banged so much you go to the hospital, that is dangerous and quite scary… He needs to back off a bit and let you heal… perhaps try a handjob in the meantime.)
    Seriously though, if you hate him that much, both of you would be much happier with other people… at least until you find something to detest about your next lover…

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